


EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORRRYYYY

by historiCthrenody (Cookieluv246)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ALL OF THEM ARE FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER, Ensemble Cast, GOOOOD DAAAAAMMMNNN, Gen, I EVEN GAVE THE FELT QUIRKS, I Tried, Multi, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Rap Battles, THIS IS SO LONG, The Gangs All Here, ba b y, beta kids - Freeform, i cry tavros is having too much fun, i hate this and i hate myself, im sorry about all the tags but take a look its p fun in here, in the gut, meulin is the best rapper for sure, oh my god there are so many cHARACTERS IN THIS FIC, request characters for me to do here, shoot me, sollux and feferis part get me like, theSE FLIRTY TEENS, this is so funny, u kno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookieluv246/pseuds/historiCthrenody
Summary: TG:TG: i cant believe thisTG: i need a lighterTG: nerd supreme just came with the reckoning
Relationships: Caliborn/Calliope (Homestuck), Cronus Ampora/Mituna Captor, Cronus Ampora/Porrim Maryam, Damara Megido/Rufioh Nitram, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Jake English/Dirk Strider, John Egbert & Jade Harley & Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Dave Strider, Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket, Mituna Captor/Latula Pyrope, Rose Lalonde/Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Karkat Vantas, Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes, Spades Slick/Snowman, Tavros Nitram/Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope/Dave Strider
Comments: 26
Kudos: 59





	1. Beta Kids

TG: ok

TG: alright

TG: so whos gonna start this rap battle

TG: do you want it to be me

TG: i mean i could since im the renowned rapper in this arrangement of geeks

TG: lol wasted

TT: I could start, I've been practicing mine for the last past week.

TG: sure thing rose you start off this filthy fresh ranch of a dog heat battle

TT: Granted, I'm not an actual rapper as the likes of you might assume, so I apologize forth right if my skills are a bit.

TT: Interposed, at best.

TG: just start this fire before it runs out

TG: this aint no fire drill its already getting hot and heavy in these putrid hell times

TG: its getting hot in here and i know its just me

TG: shit im gonna do it if you dont

TT: Ok.

TT: Ahem.

TT: Moses supposes his toeses are Roses,

TT: But Moses supposes erroneously,

TT: As Moses supposes his toeses, to be

TT: Maybe it was just wrong, cause it wasn't actually about me.

TT: If fire was lighter,

TT: And lighters started fires,

TT: Who started out flyer?

TT: Was it Moses, or me?

TT: But Moses supposes

TT: And supposes, imposes

TT: All rights to the fire

TT: Belongs to Rose on decree.

TT: And so she rose to the higher,

TT: Marginally upset to play quieter

TT: Go play with your kites

TT: But throw the bone to me

TT: But Roses, supposes

TT: And Roses imposes

TT: All better factions here

TT: Are better left to compete.

TG: holy shit

TG: holy shit rose

TT: Was it bad?

TG: jesus fucking christ

TG: you're putting me in the hot seat

TG: but see seacrest

TG: i wasnt built for world torture

TG: i was built with finesse

TG: if you have something to say

TG: then go and say it to my face

TG: but if roses supposes

TG: maybe your line was just a hot mess

TG: i can count to one

TG: or i can count on two

TG: but between me and a rap battle

TG: i dont think i see you

TG: roses supposes oh woe i suppose is

TG: just another fancy way for me to say

TG: fuck you

TG: no but seriously that was good

TG: you did a heckin war face on me and you put me out of my misery

TT: Are you still rapping?

TG: no im taking a break

TG: whos gonna go next?

EB: i can!!

TG: go for it

EB: ok lets see, lets start.....

EB: hmm....

EB: rose maybe a writer,

EB: and dave makes a lot of noise,

EB: but we all know the ACTUAL favorite of choice!

EB: name's john egbert, not john wayne or doe--

EB: and i might not be much of a rapper, but i'll kick your ass yo!

EB: some may want to call me four eyes, or even call me a nerd,

EB: but from a scale of one to ten, you can eat a huge turd!

EB: if you think that i'm bluffing than you better sit tight.

EB: cause i'm gonna lay down the law over can town tonight!

EB: if you think you're a loser, put your hands up.

EB: if you like matthew mcconaughey, put your hands up!

EB: if you prefer blue gushers, put your hands up!!

EB: now everyone else, sit the fuck down.

EB: *drops the mic.*

TG: 

TG: i cant believe this

TG: i need a lighter 

TG: nerd supreme just came with the reckoning

EB: hehehe!

TG: that was out of this world

TG: but your face made me hurl

TG: was it double faced or triple face

TG: two sides of the same earl

TG: yo four eyes

TG: why dont you come here drop me a line

TG: im lying i dont see it

TG: i dont see you picking up my fine

TG: unless you meant fine ass since we know youre hella gay

TG: gay on the piranhas and gay on the parade

EB: hahaha

TG: shut up

TG: enunciate more you fuck up

TG: were still on roses supposes and toeses or some yuck

TG: maybe she should stop sniffin her toes and know when to luck up

TG: haha ew 

TG: ok jade you want to go?

GG: righty!

TG: ok start girl

GG: alright!!

GG: j

GG: to the a

GG: to the d

GG: to the e

GG: names jade harley and im the place to be!!!!

GG: we start fires but we dont let lame lames for hire

GG: we ride harder

GG: but we don't die famined or slaughtered!!

GG: we go to our happy place

GG: and make things up

GG: find you looking around 

GG: see folgers in your cup

GG: your little girl has you seeing starlets in your eyes

GG: but if you look down her skirt you may find a surprise

GG: bigger d than the reps up

GG: see it then you fuck up

GG: weve weeved harder than the c's that you drank up

GG: jade harley aint a wuss or a ride on the ferry

GG: maybe you should find your pineapple home and go find gary

TG: 

TG:

TG:

TG: jade that was too hard

TG: you put that shit out where i cant see it ever again

TG: im fucking stunned

TG: absolutely baroness with envy

TG: u know what no fuck you

TG: and also fuck you

TG: i dont have a rap to that

TG: no but seriously fuck you


	2. Meteor Crew

TG: ok

TG: ok

TG: last week i did this with john rose and jade

TG: but now its just us

TG: alone

TG: on a cruise to nowhere

TG: im talking about everyone on the meteor

TG: who here wants to spit rhymes

GC: OOH OOH P1CK M3

TG: really tz

TG: girl you got something up your chest

GC: 4S 4 M4TT3R 4 F4CT 1 DO

TG: i aint gonna douse the saharas of this fest

TG: say ya

TG: what fiesty thing is caught up in your bubble

GC: H3H3

GA: Are There Rules To This

TG: no rules

TG: just spit as many fires before the firefighters come knockin at our door

GC: WH3N C4N 1 ST4RT?

TG: any time you feel like it tz

GC: W3LL 1 GU3SS 1’LL ST4RT W1TH M3 4ND 4LSO FUCK1NG M3

GC: G4LLOWSC4L1BR4TOR ON TH3 SC3N3

GC: BUT SH3 COM3S CUT3R 4S TZ

GC: GOT 4 D1M3 NOT 4 P3NNY BUT 4 DOLL4R ON MY M1ND

GC: GO 4ND F1ND SOM3 SOLL4C3

GC: NO SOLLUX

GC: H4CK YOUR W4Y OUT OF TH3S3 RHYM3S

GC: 1’M TH3 CUT3ST 4S C4N B3

GC: F1ND M3 SW1V3L3D ON TV

GC: GOT 4 G4L4XY NOT 4 S34,

GC: OF L3G1ONS YOU SHOULD P1TY M3

GC: M3, M3, M3, 4ND 4LSO MOTH3RFUCK1N M3

GC: OUT S4DDL3D BY TH3 B3ST, 1 C4N S33

GC: D STR1 <3

TG: are you saying that youre saddled or are you saying that youre settled

TG: rhymes getting so frisky you got me disheveled

TG: tz just maybe the cutest in the house

TG: but dont forget number two got you seated in a crouch

TG: dave strider on the ball

TG: playing hooky

TG: playing parole

TG: getting tongue tied on the heavy

TG: when you see me eyes scroll

TT: Eyes may just be scrolling flippantly on the screen,

TG: yo rose dont cut in like that gotta always be so mean

TT: I’m taking it to be my turn.

TG: your turn turns into worst

TT: Maybe it’ll be your first.

TT: I grab my balls at this scene.

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TWO ARE *FLIRTING* WITH EACH OTHER. WHY AM I ENCROACHING ON SANITY OF NOT BEING SURPRISED.

TG: yo it was supposed to just be me and tz

CG: YEAH I FIGURED THAT WOULD BE YOUR ROLE CALL.

CG: I’D LIKE TO PREEMPTIVELY DECLARE AS A START,

CG: THAT THERE ARE ROADS TO TROLLS, AND I BELIEVE IT’S AN ART.

CG: BATTERED, BEATEN, GODS ARE ABYSS

CG: BUT I CAN SEE THE FOUL STENCH OF THE PROMISCUOUS.

CG: STRIDERS TUNES KIND OF LAME

CG: ALL HIS BEATS ARE THE SAME

CG: TRY TO CHANGE IT ALL ONCE

CG: SEE HE’S JUST A SPIT ROASTING GAME

CG: TRY TO TALK, THE TALK, THE TALK

CG: WATCH HIM LISTEN TO TIK TOKS

CG: WE ALL KNOW VINE WAS THE BETTER RING

CG: KICK HIM IN THE BALLS, MAKE HIS GIRLY ASS SING.

TG: im wounded

TT: You took my turn, sir.

CG: THEN THERE’S LALONDE IN THE COURT.

CG: MAKES ROLLING EYES A FUCKING SPORT.

CG: SEE HER DOUCHIER IN THE CLAD.

CG: ONLY HAVE APATHY TO REPORT.

TT: Weren’t you the one complaining about flirting?

CG: I FEEL LIKE I WAS COMPETING WITH YOU ABOUT EGO HURTING.

CG: SORRY SWEETHEART, BUT THE ONLY PART OF YOU THAT’S A TEN IS YOUR MOUTH.

CG: TEN FOR THE HEADACHE, AND TEN FOR THE BARF.

TT: My, my.

GA: Karkat That Was Rude

CG: SORRY.

TT: I believe it’s my duty to uphold thee, with all my repertoire.

TT: I have my wits against me, 

TT: But I’m sure stealing yours wouldn’t get me very far.

TT: You say trolling is an art,

TT: But I only have a small picture.

TT: Maybe frame it tacks for two,

TT: Try being a harder hitter.

TT: If I grabbed my balls at the start of this,

TT: I would only see your clitoris.

CG: CUTE.

CG: AND BY CUTE, I MEAN FIERCELY LEADING ME TO BE UNREPENTANT.

CG: I WOULD ONLY HOLD BACK FOR KANAYA’S SAKE.

CG: SINCE SHE’S GOTTEN YOU LIKE A SEDATIVE.

GA: You Dont Need To See Me As So Light

GA: Im Only Cutting You To Be Right

GA: But Being Childish Is A Cursor

GA: And I Feel Like It Has Something To Do With Your Height

CG: WOW.

CG: FUCKING NOOK WIPE ME, WHY DON’T YOU.

GA: Id Rather Not

CG: MARYAM, YOU HEARTLESS *BITCH.*

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4 >:]


	3. but what about gamzee...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :o(

TC: yo

TC: YOU ALL ARE SPITTING RHYMES WITHOUT ME

TC: let me cut in before i mean it literally

TC: IM JUST PLAYING YOU KNOW I AINT FEELING MURDERESS OR CAPRICIOUS YOU SEE

TC: i just want to go back to being motherfucking me

TC: HONK

TC: :o(

TC: ALSO I SAW TZ STEAL MY FUCKING LINE

TC: bring it to the god dont have him running out of time

TC: HAHA THAT WAS A FUCKING FUNNY ASS PUN IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF

TC: it beats sitting here rhyming and rubbing my own shame globes in front of everybody else

TC: HELLO?

TC: hello? :o(


	4. Alpha Kids

TG: i want to witness this so i invited everybody

TT: Five, four, three, fuck you.

TG: dont you dare sing karkalicious

TT: What? Huh? I heard you spitting out something

TT: Negligent as it may be

TT: There are things on this earth less gay for reprieve.

TT: Karkat’s not my cat,

TT: And bro he’s not my dog,

TT: But if you know something or something, yo find me the pesterlog.

TG: what i know burns the inner eyelids of my shades

TG: speaking of throwing shade more like keep it less depraved

TG: being a god tier is suffering in a hammock i cant make 

TG: cant make cant steak cant rake no cake

TG: but if i could make wood and i could make beaver

TG: i would could chuck could chuck could chuck could

TG: and if i could chuck could chuck wood some fuck

TG: id make you rap off your own hood

GG: Ooh! A rap off!

TG: shut up hot mom

TT: Just leave it to the pro's.

TT: Monopoly not dominos.

TT: Not some pizza or oreos.

TT: Just the biznasty of my flows.

TT: See them flooding like the domes

TT: Building a roulette not out of Rome's 

TT: Ceaser got me spitting salad out of rows

TT: Paper dollars on the flo'rs

TG: if youre spitting are you sick

TT: Maybe sick from all the hoes

TG: are they keeping it in ick?

TT: Keeping it ill is how it goes

TG: make me do arithmetic 

TG: watch me see it how it goes

TG: got me doin a bunch of math

TG: got me seeing double blows

GT: Now extra extra read all about it 

GT: Got a new lamborghini and riding it like a new whip

TT: Oh shit.

GT: Call her bessy not a bull

GT: See it wrapped around MY skull *wink*

TT: Oh my god.

GT: Now dirk youre giving me the hull

GT: Its always the same ol' same ol'

TT: Feeling lonely than you should just call.

GT: See but your court is out of ball

TT: No, that's not how I see it right at all

TT: First I take you out on a long walk

TT: And raise a glass half a pint tall

TT: Got you seated in the back

TT: Press your hands on the window and the wall

GT: Swoon

TT: Now get you seated in *my* skull

TG: break up

TT: Arrogant as fuck.

TG: break up twice

TT: Nice.

TG: ok but speakin bout balls when do i get to drop mine

TG: like adderalls lawls

TG: any time

TG: righto

TG: skinny aint a mini been meaning to come out of these drawers

TG: get you bettin on this dope shit get you betting on the garls

TG: *girls lmao misspelling is correct

TG: no need to find me while i flex and dissin you right in a sec

TG: hell yeah

TG: hell ye hell ye double x double o

TG: get me rhinestones and show a ho to the do’

TG: find me with a martini and a glass full of gold

TG: double double double x triple x triple flow

GG: Now is it my turn, yet?

TG: janey tell it to your gorl

GG: I asked, is it my turn yet?

TG: triple ex triple go

GG: I said is my flow here, correct?

TG: triple ex triple ex

GG: I said, do you think I sound my best?

TG: triple ex triple yo

GG: Janey to ‘aney to the ‘ane to the, _oh._

GG: Got to find your stretch marks to resemble my _flow._

GG: Girley with the pearlies, and red nails are a go.

GG: You can call me shiny, but you can’t call _me_ a hoe.

GG: Pretty as a lilac, and pretty wouldn’t say no.

GG: Janey, to the ‘aney has no more room here to _grow._

TG: hot damn

GG: she said

TG: yeah yeah

GG: " _Hot damn_ ," she said.

TG: yea yea!!!!

GG: Touch my toes, but touch my fly a bit harder.

GG: Got ya’ seeing gucci signs think all my shit here is prada.

GG: Won’t show you how to exit but I will show you the door.

GG: Hope they raise you high enough to ever give a stage or an encore.

TT: Proud of you, Janey.

TG: yea yea!!!!

TG: damn wait a second

TG: YEAH YEAHH!!

GT: I think jane did the best

GG: Hoo hoo hoo! Not so bad for a hot mom or inter’ oh.

EB: woooo!!! that was great, you guys did awesome!

GG: i think daves having too much fun :o

TG: shit like you wouldnt be me with a tail wagging everywhere if you were me in this moment

TT: Someone get the collar.

TG: every bitch here say hollar

TG: bitch

GC: HOLL4R

GA: Hollar

CG: WORD.

TG: lmao


	5. Caliborn & Calliope

uu: I CAN NOT SEE THE BITCHES. GETTING THEMSELVES HANDED. DEPLORABLE.

UU: Neither of Us were online at the time. :U

uu: SHuT uP. YOu VEHEMENT TuRD WASTE. I *WAS* ONLINE THEY JuST NEGLECTED TO INVITE ME.

UU: Maybe we coUld have our own rap battle, and call it even? ~_u

uu: YOu STuPID WELCH. HOW AGGRAVATING YOuR IDEAS ALWAYS ARE. YOU PLAY A BETTER FOOL THAN A WISECRACK ANY DAY.

UU: I was just giving a sUggestion, no need to go on aboUt it.

uu: HMPH.

UU: Hmph.

uu: HMPH. HMPH.

UU: Hmph. Hmph. Hmph.

uu: WELL. I THOuGHT ABOUT IT.

UU: ?

uu: I SuPPOSE ONE ROUND. WOuLDN’T HARM ANYTHING. I GuESS.

UU: Yaay!! 

UU: Oh this will be splendid fUn, then.

uu: HMPH.

UU: And a Hmph! To yoU right back!

uu: DISGuSTING. BITCH.

UU: I’m starting off slow,

UU: Crack it back to yoU, yo

UU: PlentifUl ponies and egoism galore

UU: At least while I hold the floor!

UU: Would I coUnter you, if?

UU: I thoUght more imploring of yoU, if?

UU: I saw a sitUation and needed a sitch?

uu: DISGuSTING.

UU: Well all flowers can’t be prose!

UU: I mean only JesUs knows!

UU: The heartwrenching trench,

UU: The soUth of the heart goes! 

uu: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN *MEAN.*

UU: What does what mean?

UU: Is it mean, if it’s sUpreme?

UU: Am I sUpreme if I mean to be a little bit more keen?

uu: I’M SAYING YOu DON’T KNOW WHAT YOu’RE TALKING ABOUT.

UU: But what is there to really say?

UU: I’m saying I’m at my most apt when I rap you out of the whole game!

uu: NOW I SAID STOP.

uu: AND BY STOP. I MEAN GO.

uu: NOT YOU THOUGH.

uu: STILL ME. BEAST HERE. SHINES SUPREME.

uu: OVERLORD NOT A DORK. EAT YOu RED WITH A FORK. THERE ARE NO RULES HERE TO MAIM. THERE ARE NO RULES TO THIS GAME.

uu: SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDID. ARIEL DIED HERE, AS I ENDED IT.

uu: CHAOTIC AS MY SORT.

uu: NOT PLAYING HERE BY A SPORT.

uu: GET YOU DEAD RIGHT IN THE COURT.

uu: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. NO TIME TO ABORT.

uu: IF YOU’RE PLAYING ON HIGH. YOU MIGHT AS WELL DIE AS A LORD.

uu: TIMBER HERE ON MY TEAM. EAT AN ALE EAT A GORD.

uu: THE BLOOD HERE THICKENS.

uu: THE MEAT HERE’S STRICKEN.

uu: BY AN uNDULY FORCE.

uu: GET OFF MY HORSE.

uu: SEE-SAW, AS YOu YEE-HAW.

uu: YEEHAW WHEN YOu SEE SAW.

uu: BLOODY MuRDER AS YOuR DEATH CAW

uu: DEATH CALLS, IT A MuRD-AR.

uu: SEE SPICKS AND SPADES.

uu: NO DICE. IT’S A CLOSE CALL.

UU: Woo!! ^u^

uu: HMPH.


	6. The rest of the dead kids!

ARADIA: alright alright lets jam lets jam

ARADIA: whos ready for the best rap off 

ARADIA: time to go ham!!!!!!!!!

ARADIA: lets human la bumba

ARADIA: till we rock off

ARADIA: i say bahumbug

ARADIA: to the snot runts

ARADIA: were trying to keep it literal

ARADIA: keeping it li-te-ra-ll-y intrical

ARADIA: hehe lets keep it all in a barrel

ARADIA: swirl it all up find a grub fest hair ball

TAVROS: dID YOU SAY HAIR BALL,,,,

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

TAVROS: iNSIDE MY SOUP BOWL,,,

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

TAVROS: wELL LETS GO GET THAT SETTLED OH,

TAVROS: dON'T WANT NO SOUP-ER CHROMOSOME,

TAVROS: iF I FIGHT LEFT, AND I FIGHT RIGHT,,

TAVROS: wHO’S DYING ON MY SLUM BED TONIGHT,,,

TAVROS: i’D SAY SOMEONE WHO DRESSES FAR LESSER THAN TIGHT,

TAVROS: mAYBE LABUMBA THROUGH THE WHOLE NIGHT,

ARADIA: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FEFERI: DId I )(ear critters?

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

FEFERI: Inside my soup--oh!

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah!

FEFERI: It gives me s)(ivers.

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

FEFERI: To carry that soup )(ome!

ARADIA: yeah yeah woah!

FEFERI: Well I guess we’ll find out…

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

FEFERI: Unless we don’t!

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah

FEFERI: Are we souffleiing trout?

ARADIA: yeah yeah yeah!

FEFERI: Or maybe scones!!

ARADIA: yeah yeah woah-oh!

FEFERI: Cutest in a pitc)(er, and I mean in lemonade!

FEFERI: Don’t stand on my )(ands, unless you’re giving me a bandaid!

FEFERI: I get a little -EXCITED when I’m skinning for a roast!

FEFERI: Got me seeing double stars like I’m seeing Aradia as a g)(ost!

ARADIA: yeah yeah gooo!!!

FEFERI: Speaking of ghosts, w)(ere’s my boyfriend. I feel like )(e might )(ave double died!

FEFERI: But as I look, I can’t find )(im! Makes me so sad I mig)(t )(ave cried.

FEFERI: But w)(en we found )(im, we saw )(is )(ead, and )(e looked a little sick…

FEFERI: Found )(im flat on )(is face, and )(andled. Said )(e died doing back flips and tricks.

FEFERI: So I kicked )(im in the rear, and I told )(im to get out!

FEFERI: Got too many fis)( in my bonnets and got too muc)( seafood croute.

ARADIA: keep it up! keep it up! were all just here just turning up!

SOLLUX: 0h, speaking 0f that b0yfriend?

FEFERI: W)(at???

SOLLUX: I said, n0w speaking 0f that b0yfriend.

FEFERI: O)(?!

SOLLUX: Said he landed 0n his face,

SOLLUX: Said he left with0ut a trace.

FEFERI: Say _w)(aaaat?_

SOLLUX: I said it’s all just cause he’s feeling hard

SOLLUX: And just feeling hard, but d0n’t let him.

SOLLUX: Said he ran his ass int0 a bard,

SOLLUX: But the smell was rank, s0 forget him

FEFERI: Said )(e left wit)(out a trace

SOLLUX: What?

FEFERI: Said )(e left wit)(out a trace!

SOLLUX: 0h, What?

FEFERI: Said )(e got me, )(urt my feelings )(ard,

FEFERI: So I told )(im )(e was a disgrace!!

SOLLUX: Harsh!

FEFERI: So I told )(im now wit)( grace,

SOLLUX: What?

FEFERI: So I told )(im now wit)( grace!

SOLLUX: What!

FEFERI: Said that bard must be )(is new boyfriend now, better look me in my face.

SOLLUX: 0h n0!

ARADIA: does sollux have a reply?

SOLLUX: But y0u know I wasn’t that damsel

ARADIA: oh no!

SOLLUX: Said, I was left al0ne at my 0wn disp0sal.

ARADIA: say so!

SOLLUX: So I t00k a day and I t00k a night

SOLLUX: To get myself a bit m0re leveled.

ARADIA: _say so!_ hahaha

SOLLUX: But then pal, he came back running

ARADIA: leave him!!!

SOLLUX: I said, pal he came back running.

ARADIA: leave him!!!!

SOLLUX: And he was l00king g00d, and he was l00king right

SOLLUX: Made all the gills 0ut there start fl0undering

FEFERI: Oh, _w)(at_!

SOLLUX: But she didn’t l00k 0n that cunning

FEFERI: Say w)(at!

SOLLUX: I said she didn’t find him at all cunning

FEFERI: No sir!

SOLLUX: S0 he w0re a suit, and slicked his hair, and matched all the dudes 0n c00l running.

FEFERI: )(A)(A)(A)(A)(A)(A

EQUIUS: D --> Now I’d like to slide right in, now

ARADIA: what!

EQUIUS: D --> Said I’d like to slide right in, yeah

ARADIA: what!

EQUIUS: D --> Got my back raised hunched, f001ishly lifted up

ARADIA: watch out!!

EQUIUS: D --> E%ceptionally criss crossed in a latent sit-up

ARADIA: dont slip!!

EQUIUS: D --> Now I’d like to slide right in, yeah

ARADIA: what!

EQUIUS: D --> Said I’d like to slide right in, yeah

ARADIA: what!

EQUIUS: D --> Said I’m criss % in and my back’s jut out

EQUIUS: D --> And I’m sit like I’m a meowbeast, then

ARADIA: woah!

EQUIUS: D --> Equius Zahhak

EQUIUS: D --> Got you slayed in fact

EQUIUS: D --> Musical showman of the e%otic 

EQUIUS: D --> Winner of the beat

EQUIUS: D --> Get you running out your seat

EQUIUS: D --> But the way my hips move are absolutely hypnotic

EQUIUS: D --> Got a foalbeast here

EQUIUS: D --> Got a milk jug there

EQUIUS: D --> But I’m e%pelling something supersonic

EQUIUS: D --> Got a cuddle in my cat

EQUIUS: D --> But we don’t play catch

EQUIUS: D --> We play hitter here, now isn’t that ironic?

ARADIA: _what!!!_

NEPETA: :33 < said id like to slide right in meow

EQUIUS: D --> What

NEPETA: :33 < said id like to slide right in _meow_

EQUIUS: D --> What

NEPETA: :33 < got my fur in a tickle and your world in a trickle said id like to saddle right up meow

EQUIUS: D --> Oh snap

NEPETA: :33 < said id like to slide right in now

EQUIUS: D --> What

ARADIA: what!

NEPETA: :33 < said id like to slide right in _now_

EQUIUS: D --> What

ARADIA: what!

NEPETA: :33 < got a hop in my step and a sizzle down my chest see you sliding hard right in now

EQUIUS: D --> Oh snap!

ARADIA: oh snap!

NEPETA: :33 < nepeta in my game 

NEPETA: :33 < no it isnt all insane

NEPETA: :33 < eat you for breakfast like a meownch meownch now

NEPETA: :33 < got some cold hard leather

NEPETA: :33 < we aint talking bout no pleather

NEPETA: :33 < see it sized all up on my rump now

NEPETA: :33 < look at me two diffurent ways

NEPETA: :33 < got no cats in my game

NEPETA: :33 < cause ive got the toppest litter-chow

NEPETA: :33 < i can be sw33t or competitive there is nothing here repetitive

NEPETA: :33 < here the purr of my cutest kitty snout

ARADIA: ooooooohhh!!!

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT UP NOW,

NEPETA: :33 < what

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT UP NOW,,

ARADIA: what!!

TAVROS: gOT A FEELING IN MY CHEST AND I’M FEELING SUPER YES SO I’D LIKE TO ENTER ON A RE-PROWL

ARADIA: _what!!!_

TAVROS: sO I’D LIKE TO SLIP RIGHT IN, YEAH

EQUIUS: D --> What

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIP RIGHT IN, YEAH,,,

FEFERI: W _)(at_!

TAVROS: tAVROS IN THE BOUNCE

TAVROS: fIND ME A SUPER LA-ONCE

TAVROS: aND I’LL BE LANCING UP YOUR STREET, YEAH

ARADIA: what!!

TAVROS: gOT YOU MYSTIFIED ON A STARTUP

TAVROS: pLAN ON DRINKING SUCCESS IN A FULL CUP

TAVROS: sEE THE MOON IS OUT

TAVROS: aND THE GUNS TOO,,,SHOUT,,

TAVROS: i AM FEELING GOOD ON THE REBOUND,

TAVROS: cAN’T HIT OR MISS ME, I WEAR A FULL CROWN,

TAVROS: cOULDN’T HIT OR MISS ME IF I WORE A FULL GOWN

TAVROS: cOULDN’T HIT OR MISS ME IF I WERE TO APOLOGIZE,,,

TAVROS: bUT I’D THINK ID NEED EMPATHY TO TRY AND RECATEGORIZE,,

TAVROS: aYY,,,,

ARADIA: whaaaaaaaaaat!!

FEFERI: W _)(aaaaaaaaaat_!

TAVROS: tHIS IS SO MUCH FUN, GUYS,

ARADIA: isnt it though? :D

EQUIUS: D --> I’m having a blast

FEFERI: I could do this all night! Glub! 38D 

ARADIA: haha whats gonna stop us

ARADIA: lets start up again!

ARADIA: said id like to slide right in yeah

FEFERI: W)(at

EQUIUS: D --> What

NEPETA: :33 < what

SOLLUX: what

TAVROS: wHAT,,,

ARADIA: said id like to slide right in yeah

FEFERI: W)(at

EQUIUS: D --> What

NEPETA: :33 < what

SOLLUX: what

TAVROS: wHAT,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sHIT I forgot eridan and vriska  
> damn  
> who's your favorite rappers so far???


	7. Dancestor gang

MEENAH: YO AMSCRAY

MEENAH: WHERE THE SHELL DO YOU GET OFF STARTING THE PARTY WITHOUT US???

MEENAH: YEAH I SEE YOU OVER THERE IN THE RED. FLIGHTY.

MEENAH: YOU AT LEAST SHOULD HAVE INVITED ME. I DONT KNOW ABOUT ALL THESE OTHER CRAB CATCHES.

ARADIA: hey!!!

ARADIA: you want to join?

ARADIA: this partys gonna go all night long!!!

ARADIA: just slide right in when youre ready isnt that right tavros?

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT IN NOW,

ARADIA: what!

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT IN NOW,

ARADIA: what!!!

MEENAH: yes 38D

MEENAH: ok 

MEENAH: ok

MEENAH: i need to get myself hyped up

MEENAH: *ahem*

MEENAH: NOW, WHOS MAKING SPAGH-ETTI 

MEENAH: COUNT TO THR-EE IF YOURE R-EADY

MEENAH: DONT SAY YOUR STOMACH UPS-ETI

MEENAH: CAUSE I GO BY THE NAME OF _Meenah Peixes_

MEENAH: CAN'T YOU S-EE THAT ITS H-EAVY

MEENAH: S-EE THIS SHIP ISNT ST-EADY

MEENAH: S-EE M-E ROCK-ED TO B-ED LIKE A T-EDDY 

MEENAH: LIK-E W-ERE FIGHTING ARMAG-EDDI 

MEENAH: SAID W-ERE GONNA GO OUT NOW TO THE TOP

MEENAH: H-EAR ALL THE BASS AND THE S-EAFOLK PANTIES DROP

MEENAH: GONNA PARTY HARD TILL YOU START TO H-EAR THE COP

MEENAH: COP CALL OR COP A F-E-EL AND YOUR GAM-E IS LOP-

MEENAH: -ED SID-ED AND GOING ON FULL TROT

MEENAH: W-E K-E-EP THIS PARTY GOING AND IT N-EV-ER GONNA STOP

MEENAH: HAHA HOP

MEENAH: ok thats all a motherglubber got for now

MEENAH: for reel

MITUNA: 570P

MITUNA: P4R7Y DR0P.

MITUNA: W3 4R3 H1771NG 457R0N0M1C

MITUNA: PL4Y1NG V1D30 G4M35 L1K3 175 50N1C

MITUNA: DR34MC457 0N MY H4ND 1 80UGH7 17

MITUNA: 737R15 0N 7H3 H4ND 45 1 F0UGH7 17

MITUNA: 0W 0WWW 0W13 M4M4 570P 17

MITUNA: 0WWW 0WW 0W 0WWWW13 0W 1M R4G1NG 0N 17

MITUNA: 0W 8L1573R1NG F3C35 M4773R 0WW OW D4MM17

MITUNA: 0WWWWWWWWWWWWW

MITUNA: P5H

MITUNA: JU57 K1DD1NG

MITUNA: D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG

MITUNA: R4M 15 UP 70 NUM83R5 45 1 L4Y MY 0LD 474R1 W1GG1NG

MITUNA: G0774 G00D 54V3 F1L3 1N G4M3570P 1 M4K3 4 H3F71NG K1LL1N

MITUNA: D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG D1GG1NG

KURLOZ: *claps*

MITUNA: W00 KURL0Z D1D Y0U 533 M3 G0

MITUNA: D1D Y0U 533

MITUNA: D1D Y0U 533

MITUNA: D1D Y0U 533

MITUNA: D1D Y0U 53333333

KURLOZ: *nods*

KURLOZ: :o)

LATULA: good job th3r3 b4b3!

MEENAH: not bad shrimp fry

MEENAH: WHOS N-EXT 38D

MEULIN: (^･ω･^) < *GASPS*

MEULIN: (=ↀωↀ=) < ARE YOU ALL DOING RAP OFFS WITHOUT M33333333!!!!!!

KURLOZ: *sweats*

MEULIN: (^ФДФ^) < BEGONE YOU ROTTEN THOTS

MEULIN: ヽ(ΦωΦ^ヽ) < YOU WILL NEVER BES33CH TH33 WITH SILENCE

ARADIA: ohhh shit i know whos next!!!!!!!!

MEULIN: (=ΦｴΦ=) _Meulin Leijon_

MEULIN: (=´ﻌ｀^=) GOT YOU LOUD ON THE SPEAKER PHONE

MEULIN: =＾● ㉨ ●＾= PUT YOU IN A SHAME CONE

MEULIN: (=✪ᆽ✪=) ASK ME IF I’M NICE? YOU’RE WRONG.

MEULIN: (=｀ω´=) TRAVELING HERE LARGE AND FAR

MEULIN: （＾・ω・＾✿） GOT WEED ON THE BACK OF MY CAR

MEULIN: (^๑✪ᆺ✪๑^) KURLOZ SAYS I’M TOO LOUD AT THE BAR

MEULIN: （ง^Φ Д Φ）ง KURLOZ SAY IT

KURLOZ: :o)

MEULIN: ( ^ⓛ ω ⓛ ^) BITCH YOU JUST HEARD MY SATANIC RAWR

MEULIN: ₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎ GOT A TICK FOR TAT

MEULIN: (^≅ᆽ≅^) WE AIN’T TALKIN BOUT THAT

MEULIN: (=^✖ᆽ✖^=) GIVE ME A SPAZZ ATTACK

MEULIN: (=මිᆽමි=) MY SHIPS? 

MEULIN: /ᐠ. ퟑ.ᐟ\ FUCKING KODAK’ED THAT

KURLOZ: *thumbs up*

MEULIN: (^ ↀДↀ)✧ SAY HELLO TO MY BITCH WHILE WE’RE HERE, STAT.

MEULIN: (๑ↀᆺↀ๑) MEULIN OUT.

FEFERI: Yaaaayy!!!

LATULA: my b1tch go3s H4RD!

ARADIA: who else wants to step in??? 8D

KURLOZ: *waves*

ARADIA: you want a shot?

KURLOZ: *nods*

ARADIA: well step right in buddy the funs just getting started!

KURLOZ: :o)

KURLOZ: *puts a finger to his lips*

KURLOZ: * _ssh*_

KURLOZ: NOW ROT.

KURLOZ: KITTEN GIRL ON THE SPOT. MAKES THE FEELINGS KINDA HOT. KILLS A HO WITH A SHOT. EATS YOUR ENTRAILS WITH THE SNOT. 

KURLOZ: WICKED EVIL IS MY PLOT. KILLING AMIGOS BY THE BOT. GOT YOU SCARED NOW WITH THE WATTS. LIGHTS THAT SHINE HERE BY THE TOT.

KURLOZ: IF-AN-AMIGO-GOT-YOU-FEELING-SOMETHING-EXTRATERRESTRIALY-BASIC. TRY-A-MEDIVAL-AFFIRMATION-LIKE-YOU-GOT-TO-FEELING-ANYTHING-SACRED. GOT-YOU-BEATING-LIKE-A-BAKER-WITH-A-CARNAL-LUSTING-HARSH-WHIMSEY-THIRST-FOR-HATRED. EATING-BAGUETTES-WITH-JUSTIN-BIEBER-NOW-I’M-TATTLING-ON-SOMETHING-OOPS-I-ERASED-IT.

MEULIN: (=♡ ᆺ ♡=)

KURLOZ: THATS MY KITTY BITCH ON THE SPOT ON THE SCENE.

KURLOZ: GOT YOU FEELING TWO WAYS KIND OF TRICKED KIND OF MEAN.

KURLOZ: SCAVENGER HUNT ON THE LOST FUCK THAT YOU LEFT AT THE CARENE.

KURLOZ: EATING EIFFEL TOWERS BY THE BEACH THATS MY TEAM.

MEENAH: woo bouy

KURLOZ: SPITTING SALADS

KURLOZ: RIDING TRIPADS

KURLOZ: MAKING ASS GRABS

KURLOZ: STINGING SCARABS

KURLOZ: LA-SA-TAT-TAT

KURLOZ: ALL AROUND YOU ON THE FLOOR

KURLOZ: LA-SA-TAT-TAT

KURLOZ: ALL YOUR ROUNDS AT THE DOOR

KURLOZ: *double middle fingers out*

KURLOZ: * _ssh*_

MITUNA: 7H47 W45 4W350M3

KURLOZ: *smiles*

KURLOZ: *gives mituna a hug*

MITUNA: Y35

LATULA: 4WW

MITUNA: H3Y 7UL4 4R3 Y0U G01NG 70 G0?

LATULA: y34h 1 gu3ss 1 could

LATULA: YO

LATULA: now 4s 4 pyrop3 1 h4v3 to b3 subtl3

LATULA: s33 m3 4nd my d4nc3stor w3 l1k3 4 b1t of cuddl3

LATULA: you c4n f1nd m3 r1ght n3xt to th3 bottl3

LATULA: now 1 m34n w4t3r c4us3 1 dont n33d 4 full front4l

MITUNA: W00

LATULA: now 1 h4t3 wh3n boys try to s4y l4tul4

LATULA: wh3n th3y try to g3t 4ll sw33t w1th you 4nd 4r3 just 4ll rud3 to y4

MITUNA: H17 7H3M

LATULA: s41d 1 4lr34dy h4v3 4 boy 4t hom3 1 c4ll h1m m1tun4

MITUNA: W000000

LATULA: but 1 sw34r th3y dont h34r 4nd 4r3 r34lly rud3 too huh!

LATULA: so 1 s1t th3m down 4nd 1 l4y down th3 l4w

LATULA: s41d th3r3s no oth3r boyfr13nd th4t c4n 3v3r com3 4s r4w

LATULA: b3tt3r l34v3 my h1v3 b3for3 1 l4ygh h4

LATULA: b3c4us3 my r34l 4nsw3r w1ll 4lw4ys just b3 n4h

LATULA: m1tun4 <3

MITUNA: <3 <3 <3

ARADIA: awww!!!

KURLOZ: :’o)

MEULIN: ( ^ⓛ ω ⓛ ^) FUCKIN CUTIES

DAMARA: なんて素晴らしい結婚式。新婚旅行についてすみません。

ARADIA: hey dancestor you want to join???

DAMARA: *nods*

ARADIA: just start up when you feel like it!

DAMARA: ONE.

DAMARA: TWO.

DAMARA: THREE.

DAMARA: おしっこを見ないようにしよう。HAHA

DAMARA: 大衆へのケータリング SUICIDE.

DAMARA: それがまさに私たちだからこそ、リンチでそれを聞くRIDE.

DAMARA: 汗をかくと息が出るGLIDE.

DAMARA: 私のセーラー服を探して、あなたは少しが欲しいと思うかもしれません BITE.

DAMARA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DIE.

RUFIOH: d*mn doll...

DAMARA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 自殺

RUFIOH: we're on some crazy sh*t, yo

DAMARA: クレイジークレイジー COME NEAR ME.

DAMARA: 愚かな少年 HAVE SOMETHING TO SEE.

DAMARA: 暑いほど暑い I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

DAMARA: かわいいではない今性交を取得 OFF OF ME.

RUFIOH: woo

DAMARA: タバコを吸う必要があります

RUFIOH: no c1gs or sh*t here... 

DAMARA: ユーセレスボーイ

RUFIOH: haha, sorry!

MITUNA: RUF10H! RUF10H!

RUFIOH: what? hahaha

MITUNA: G37 Y0UR GR00V3 0N DUD3!

TAVROS: yEAH DUDE,,, oH MAN I’D LOVE TO SEE WHAT’S UP YOUR SLEEVE.

TAVROS: dO IT FOR YOUR DANCESTOR, 

TAVROS: uH,,,,pLEASE,,?

RUFIOH: aw, shucks

RUFIOH: course 1 could little dude…

RUFIOH: ok

RUFIOH: *AHEM-AHEM*

MEENAH: git it bouy

RUFIOH: yo, alright word

RUFIOH: hey

RUFIOH: cray

RUFIOH: super-say

RUFIOH: super-sa1yan

RUFIOH: know what 1’m say1ng?

TAVROS: }:0

MEENAH: ah shit

RUFIOH: hey

RUFIOH: bae

RUFIOH: stup1d say1ngs…

RUFIOH: stup1d crav1ngs...

RUFIOH: know what 1’m spray1ng?

MEENAH: 38O

RUFIOH: haha, just k1dd1ng

RUFIOH: no flames, just d1ss1n

RUFIOH: got a tux thats flame res1stant

RUFIOH: someth1ng someth1ng, hey call my ass1stant

TAVROS: wORD,,,

RUFIOH: haha

RUFIOH: not l1ke we’re keep1ng things cons1stent

DAMARA: あなたが私に指を置くことを許したなら、私はあなたのポケットに私の言葉を保ちます。

RUFIOH: haha, _what?!_

RUFIOH: looks like someone could use something a bit more l*cent1ous…

RUFIOH: haha, just playing tho with you doll!

DAMARA: あなたを愛してます。<3

RUFIOH: i think my turns about up

TAVROS: aW, ALREADY,,

RUFIOH: genius takes time to settle in the mind, y’know?

TAVROS: yEAH, I FEEL IT, }:)

DAMARA: あなたの天才の残りが床に滴り落ちない限り。

RUFIOH: woah, not l1ke that

TAVROS: ,,,uH WHAT DID SHE SAY?

RUFIOH: uh, you don’t wanna know...haha

DAMARA: <3

CRONUS: hey, vwhats going on here.

DAMARA: 私たちはお互いに初期の乱交をしています。

CRONUS: haha, wvord. wvhatewer the lady said. wvhat are all of you cats doin?

LATULA: R4P OFF DUD3!!!!!!!!!

PORRIM: They’re dueling

CRONUS: wvoah, youre here maryam?

PORRIM: Yes, just watching the co+ming scene from afar

CRONUS: maybe you should come a bit closer, you look cold ower there all by yourself

PORRIM: Try me after I’ve drank abo+ut a quart

CRONUS: haha, ouch. not feeling rather frisky today?

PORRIM: Of blo+o+d.

CRONUS: i take it back!

PORRIM: *rolls eyes*

ARANEA: I too have 8een keeping up with the 8attles from afar.

MEENAH: YO CRAB SNATCH I DIDNT SEE YOU OVER THERE

MEENAH: YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID HI!!!

MEENAH: 38(

ARANEA: Sorry! I just didn’t want to distur8 anyone!

MEENAH: gill you kno you aint disturbin shrimp

MEENAH: at least come ova and hang out with your frond

MEENAH: 38’(

ARANEA: Sorry, Meenah!

PORRIM: Hmph.

PORRIM: *smirks.*

CRONUS: *slides right in next to.*

PORRIM: *slides right out*

CRONUS: :-(

KURLOZ: :o)

CRONUS: get avway from me you creepy clown

KURLOZ: :’o)

MITUNA: Y0 CR0NU5 C0M3 0N 4ND R4P

CRONUS: eh

MITUNA: C0M3 0N! 17LL 83 FUN

CRONUS: sure, wvhatever

CRONUS: wvhat am i supposed to do

MITUNA: Y0U RHYM3 7H1NG5 W17H 57UFF

MITUNA: DUD3 175 4 R4P 0FF

MITUNA: 53R10U5LY

CRONUS: not my type of music chuck

MITUNA: G37 W17H 7H3 71M35 Y0U N008

CRONUS: i rather like my jam taste

MITUNA: 80R1NG

MEENAH: yo clams whos gonna start

MITUNA: C4N 1 G0 4G41N

ARADIA: there are no rules 8D

MITUNA: Y4Y

MITUNA: *takes a deep breath*

MITUNA: H--

HORUSS: 8=D < HORUSS ZAHHAK MAKING IT REIN

HORUSS: 8=D < TILL WE ALL STARTUP AGAIN

HORUSS: 8=D < I COME WITH B****** AND A MANE

HORUSS: 8=D < I’M GONNA SAY AGAIN AGAIN

MITUNA: H3Y!!!

HORUSS: 8=D < HORUSS ZAHHAK HAS THE FULL PICTURE

HORUSS: 8=D < BUT A RATHER BETA IN POSTURE

HORUSS: 8=D < SH** I ACTUALLY MEANT PASTURE

HORUSS: 8=D < SEE ME SPITTING HORSE PUNS LIKE THE MASTER

MITUNA: 8(

CRONUS: tough break, kid

DAMARA: それは常により速く来るものについてです。

MITUNA: TH4NK2 4NYW4Y

HORUSS: 8=D < PLAYING ROOKIE LIKE A JOCK

HORUSS: 8=D < SEE MY SADDLE IN FULL TROT

HORUSS: 8=D < LIKE WE’RE PLAYING ON SALEM'S LOT

HORUSS: 8=D < GOT A MARE ON BLOODSTOCK

EQUIUS: D--> Yes

HORUSS: 8==D < GOT ME SINGING WHINNY THE POOH

HORUSS: 8==D < STEEPLECHASING THE WHOLE CREW

HORUSS: 8==D < SEE ME STEP ON A BAD HOOF

HORUSS: 8==D < BUCK AN EYE AND CALL IT UNCO*TH

EQUIUS: D--> YES

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < MY PONY NAME GOES BY CHESTNUT

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < SEE ME BAD A** IN A CANTER RUT

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < MAKE OTHER MARES ALMOST WANT TO N*T

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < KICK ALL SUBSPECIES STRAIGHT INSIDE THE GUT

DAMARA: なんてうれしい光景です。

RUFIOH: uh…

RUFIOH: see th1s 1s why 1 don’t hangout w1th yall

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < SE--

KANKRI: I'm s9rry t9 interrupt y9u, H9russ. And interrupt, is what I meant t9 d9. As the shining example 9f my caste, I'd like t9 just say that all future infringements fr9m here 9n 9ut are merely taken in the m9st hum6lest 9f pacifistic activities. I'd like t9 just num6er that I'm d9ing my 6est t9 cr9ss 9ver this territ9ry with the 6est p9ssi6le juncti9n I see fit. 6ut in the err9r 9f awakening a t9rrid 9f circumstantial d9wn pits, I'd just like t9 ap9l9gize 9utrightly and th9r9ughly, f9rthright.

KANKRI: N9w I stum6led 9n this little cartel 6y accident, as I was merely just passing thr9ugh the 6u66les as I d9 9n a daily waking 6asis. 6ut here I f9und a s9rdid gr9up 9f individuals gallivanting all ar9und in mucks 9f dr9ves d9ing s9me s9rt 9f primitive slam p9etry sessi9n. N9w, I d9n't mean primitive in a f9ul sense, as I kn9w slam p9etry is a current ch9rd in 9ur s9ciety as a wh9le. (Especially f9r high6l99ds, 6ut m9re 9n that later.) I w9uld just like t9 say I was stunned 6y the act. Every9ne taking turns, airing 9ut their facilities. Why, I alm9st left the hivemind t9 their undertaking as I saw fit. 6ut then I n9ticed y9ur act, H9russ. Which wasn't that 6ad in it's 9wn right if we're talking in jest 9f talent 9r 9therwise.

RUFIOH: oh thank god

RUFIOH: kankr1 1’m tr1ggered 

PORRIM: Oy vey. 

PORRIM: Kankles please do+n’t start a rio+t.

HORUSS: 8===D ~ < SH*T IT’S THE POPO

KANKRI: In the act 9f raising fire t9 the hay stack, I w9uld just like t9 9utrightly ap9l9gize in the l9ng haul f9r upsetting the 6alance 9f y9ur "fl9ws" while y9u were in the midst 9f a musical 6reakthr9ugh. I'm an avid f9ll9wer 9f the arts, and w9uld never mean t9 h9nestly "kill the vi6e" 9f an auth9r 9f their 9wn predicate. 6ut I saw it fit just t9 warn y9u 9f s9me 9f the acti9ns y9u were 6efalling t9 the m9st active 9f listening ears! S9me 9f which might 6e a 6it m9re suscepti6le, as n9 9ne ever kn9ws fully h9w y9ung 9ne might 6e in 6u66le semantics. #Tw: Ageism #Tw: Gr99ming #Cw: Artistic expressi9n #Cw: Menti9ning 9f caste system

EQUIUS: D--> We can still flow to this

EQUIUS: D--> Follow my lead

KANKRI: I w9uld like t9 advise, in mere cauti9n might I add, that y9u were d9ing a num6er 9f things that 9ne might have c9nstituted as #triggering. 9ne 9f th9se things was the pr9se I was very heavily listening in 9n. N9w, I kn9w y9ur quirk c9nstitutes 9f puns as many 9f 9ur fell9w 6reatheren (and feminine articulati9n 9f the w9rd) might suggest, 6ut it is in 9ur right acc9rd t9 keep things, h9w sh9uld I say, rather civil. Usually, I w9uld even deign t9 say y9u're rather g99d at this c9rdial aspirati9n. 6ut, it appears while in the thr9es 9f articulate passi9n y9ur watch seems t9 run an h9ur 9ff. #tw: lack 9f feminine w9rd usage #cw: rant

EQUIUS: D--> Now watch my back, and I’ll watch yours

KANKRI: 6ut it wasn't just the things y9u were saying, 9h n9, much w9rse flagrant usage 9f ill tempers 6e damned. Mere w9rds are a 6l99d shy, (#tw: a6lism, #tw: shall9w c9nniving 9f a6use m9ngering #tw: equal sludge shaming.) 6ut the things y9u were d9ing. I'd rather slight that y9u already have a trigger victim in y9ur ranks. P99r, Rufi9h 9f all things came t9 me in need. He was the wh9le 9perati9n 9f why these terms deserve t9 6e har9led. #tw: name dumping

EQUIUS: D--> E%emplirary or so as #trigger warnings go

KANKRI: I'm g9ing t9 start naming s9me 9f y9ur transgressi9ns. Just t9 put it 6riefly 9n what exactly y9u did in the first place, just in case y9u were ign9rant in the f9rem9st. Which 6ravely I can say are m9st transgressi9ns in the first place. As 6rutality isn't m9st pe9ple's str9ng suits, a maj9rity 9f c9nsequence c9mes fr9m the cl9sed eye, n9t the angered 9pen 9ne. 6ut anyh99, as t9 n9t get further lead astray fr9m the uprises 9f 9ur last de6acle. #tangents #we all 6leed the same 6l99d #laughing my ass 9ff

EQUIUS: You’ll see me dance as I would in throes

KANKRI: The first n99se is led 9n thr9ugh the 9ver exaggerati9n 9f usage 9f terms. Such as, 6ut n9t limited: The am9unt 9f swearing f9r y9urself went up! I might h9nestly say astutely, y9u're 6etter than m9st 9f us. I kn9w my 9wn is a weakness, as t9 many kn9w. S9 much s9, that I warn pe9ple 9n the prejecture 9f my 6l9gs that I'm an adult the9rist and phil9s9phical, and that my serm9ns are n9t actually ranged f9r all ears. I kn9w it may seem id9centric t9 assume I can swear and n9t y9u, 6ut it's als9 the type 9f swears I'm lingering 9n that y9u pulled 9ut 9f y9ur trade 6elt. I am just declaring this fr9m the stand p9int 9f friend, t9 friend since I'm fairly aware that y9u're usually very g9lden 9n this aspect in the first place. #tw: hyp9crisy #tw: pers9nal vices

EQUIUS: D--> Hashtag, Hashtag, trigger warnings, _oh_

KANKRI: The sec9nd n99se was w9ven with thread. Partialist t9 sudden dread! We painstakingly g9t 9urselves asunder. We must try n9t t9 detriment 9urselves with such a f9ul 6lunder. As th9ugh we kn9w, what 9ne might kn9w in fact. 6ut the kind 9f gate traps that we attract! I'm just saying as the 9ld r9t9sc9pe my g9, n9t t9 6e garnered 6y all things that gl9w. #sick 6eats #hashtag trigger warnings, yo

HORUSS: 8=D < Now canter to three and touch your toes

KANKRI: The third n99se was a pr96lem, that 9nly s9me 9f us might as assumed were kept. As 6lasted as even y9u might n9t have assumed the rest. 6ut in the light 9f 6eing derailed 6y s9mething trivial 9r an9ther, I will st9p in full haste 9n the su6ject. As y9u are likely n9t hearing the p9int 9f my serm9n, I mean discussi9n in full clarent 9f itself. #quirky 96ject

HORUSS: 8=D < Hashtag, Hashtag, trigger warnings, _oh_

KANKRI: The em9tic9n y9u use, is that a face? It is, isn't it? It's 9ne 9f the things I think y9u sh9uld reel in, as it's fairly unc9mf9rta6le t9 stare at f9r l9ng strides at a time. I am t9 ap9l9gize f9rthright, as I d9n't mean t9 say Y9UR face is call9us. 6ut I'd much rather assume it t9 6e superfl9use. 9r at least I w9uld say r9unda69ut. #tw #tw: see

HORUSS: 8=D < Don’t say a word, don’t say no more

KANKRI: I'm 6r9ught 6ack t9 times 9f my y9uth at p9ints when I heard these s9rt 9f warnings fly 9ver my head. I wasn't always rehearsed in the lands 9f the s9cially w9ken. I used t9 6e rather f9nd 9f slam p9etry as a child, n9w that I think a69ut it. 6ut I was a trainwreck t9wards the messages I w9uld repeat 9n the day t9 day 6asis t9 th9se I was culled with. They merely laughed t9 my fl9ck, 6ut little was I t9 kn9w the damage I was 6est9wing t9 myself and th9se ar9und me. #tw:pers9nal trauma #tw:childh99d #tw:culling

HORUSS: 8=D < Hashtag, Hashtag, trigger warnings, _oh_

KANKRI: N9w I can attest that I've 6een lenient, and I can attest that I might have let y9u kn9wn. 6ut I never did say, n9 I never did tell, h9w much my gr99ve might have 6een thr9wn. And laid it d9wn, as I were laying it ill. Were t9 6e laid as much as my m9uth may have 6een sewn. 6ut laying stuff ill, has 6een laid 9ut pr9ne. Was a thrill I might have 9utgr9wn. #tw #tw #tw:d9u6le rhymes

PORRIM: Oh, co+me o+n Kankri, let the bo+ys go+.

PORRIM: I see yo+ur feet dancing with the tune.

HORUSS: 8=D

KANKRI: #Taking a 6reak fr9m my speech #tw: Interrupti9ns

KANKRI: P9rrim, I'm just trying t9 st9p parliament t9 infrastructural 6ullshit. N9w, y9u kn9w h9w I feel a69ut things c9nstituting the line 9f the peverse. That's 6een my wh9le study as 9f late since the last five 6ig dream 6u66le expl9si9ns. I've 6een 9n this su6ject f9r sweeps. #tw: long way coming #tw: Lord English

PORRIM: Kankri, yo+ur feet are _still_ tapping alo+ng.

KANKRI: I in n9 way s9licited that any 9f these undertakings weren't g99d, 6ut g99d is a su6jective w9rd. Were they d9ne well, 9r d9ne with care. That is m9re 9f the enlightenment I'm trying t9 get acr9ss. A much 6etter sh9wmanship than just catchy verses, 6ut 9ne with m9re th9ughtful structure and a m9re r9unda69ut easy g9ing flare. 9ne, a little m9re c9ncerned than just plain 9ld hip h9p, and raps. Here, I'll st9p my tapping if it makes y9u feel 6etter. #It's s9 hard t9 get myself acr9ss these days #Sigh

PORRIM: #Ro+lling my Go+d damn eyes

DAMARA: あなたは彼に好意を持って入隊すべきです。おまえの脚の間に。

MEENAH: quick

MEENAH: while fish brains distracted

MEENAH: who wants to go

ARANEA: I suppose one insuffera8le prick is garnered over another.

MEENAH: phew id much rather eat your clam chowder any day

ARANEA: ;)

MEENAH: wat

ARANEA: I’m only joshing with you, Meenah.

MEENAH: wat what i say

DAMARA: 昨日のように彼女のクラムチャウダーを覚えています。

ARANEA: Ok, so I shall go then, right?

ARANEA: Let me think, now…

ARANEA: If I had stopped the clock, on par, with some 8rittle su8jugalations.

ARANEA: I would have cut a loathe of 8read, a toast, with far more 8etter rations.

ARANEA: And I would draw a long hat here, a long hive of excavations.

ARANEA: One tril8y touch, one fearless 8unch, 8ecause I'd think the grand order needed to stop more here for vacations.

ARANEA: Don't err my throes, don't 8eat my 8oa's, on the slight of reservations.

ARANEA: Any further readings would 8e exempt, of any unsightly complications!

MEENAH: go gill!!!!

ARANEA: Now, I show thee my heel! A toe, in fact, to any face that must seem unsightly!

ARANEA: I am razored 8ack, I am the spitting swole defeatist monster, a lizard of more propriety!

ARANEA: Lord English could come swinging now, 8ut he'd most definitely run in fear, outrightly!

ARANEA: See me toe to toe, my 8ack jut out. Got him swimming long strokes of so8riety!

CRONUS: woo

MITUNA: 73LL H1M.

ARANEA: I’m too em8arassed to go on, after that...

PORRIM: That was actually rather go+o+d.

ARANEA: You think so?

PORRIM: Yo+u definitely held yo+ur o+wn flare. It was very suited to+wards yo+u. Yo+u did a fine jo+b.

ARANEA: Thank you! I’m rather 8lushing, in fact.

MEENAH: aww

MEENAH: come here

ARANEA: Stop squishing me, Meenah!

MEENAH: daww whos a cute little guppy

ARANEA: Stop it!!

ARADIA: anybody else want to go? :D

MITUNA: CR0NU5 D035!

CRONUS: tch…

MITUNA: M3 4ND H1M W3R3 PR4C71C1NG 1N 7H3 84CKGR0UND WH1L3 7H3 G1RL5 D1D 7H31R 7H1NG

ARADIA: oh you do dont you?

CRONUS: yea, i guess i'm as ready as i'll evwer be

CRONUS: *AHEM AHEM AHEM*

CRONUS: *LONG GASP*

CRONUS: …

CRONUS: hold on

ARADIA: aww its ok to get stage fright

MITUNA: D0 Y0U S71LL N33D H3LP

MITUNA: C4LL 1N 4 8UDDY

CRONUS: ergh mate…

CRONUS: it’s just…

CRONUS: *sings* _i ain’t got nobody to hoooolldd_

CRONUS: me, two, one, three

CRONUS: tired of shawving, afraid of getting old

CRONUS: tired of complaining, too tired of being cold

CRONUS: right of being wvronged, shucked off on the debris road

CRONUS: getting too complacent, could use an iron cold scold

MITUNA: W00

CRONUS: call me mister matchy cause i’m missed matched and agri

CRONUS: aggrawvated on a full assault like i’m the gun slinger in degrassi

HORUSS: 8=O < Oh sh**

MITUNA: TH3 D3GR4551 0N3 W4S MY L1N3

CRONUS: too tired too fast and too fast too tired

CRONUS: got me signing book covwers like i’m the one wvho got trump fired

KANKRI: #Trigger Warning

CRONUS: yodelei to the right yodelei to the left

CRONUS: see me stealing center stage like i got caught in a grand theft

CRONUS: all right i’m done

PORRIM: Well I’m impressed.

CRONUS: really?

PORRIM: Yeah.

PORRIM: Yo+u started o+ut smart.

CRONUS: d’aw you got me right in the bloodpusher

MITUNA: Y0U 3V3N G07 K4NKR1 T0 S74R7 UP

CRONUS: aw shucks, guys

ARADIA: you did really well!

ARADIA: so who else is next?

PORRIM: I guess I’ll take my sho+t.

ARADIA: ooh yeah go ahead

ARADIA: just tell me if you need any help!

PORRIM: Help? I’d deign say that yo+u’d better speak for yo+urself,

PORRIM: The last time I called for help, I was in an alleyway

PORRIM: And I busted two+ tro+lls for trying to+ co+p a felt.

MEULIN: (^๑✪ᆺ✪๑^) < OH SHIT

PORRIM: Read it, busted. No+t to me o+r to+ mo+i.

PORRIM: Wearing vo+mit green, so+ I called them _faux pas_

PORRIM: Made them black and blo+o+died, made them call o+ut fo+r their ma and pa

PORRIM: Go+t the who+le thing o+ver and settled, knew I was to+o+ bad of a match fo+r ya

LATULA: TH4TS R1GHT!

PORRIM: Virgo+, is the sign that to+ld yo+u ho+w hard to+ sto+p

PORRIM: Virgo+ is the sign that go+t yo+u pissin like a stupid sudssy so+p

PORRIM: Virgo+ was the name o+f the number I didn’t dro+p

PORRIM: Virgo+ is the name o+f the game signed by yo+ur po+p

MEENAH: damn gill 

MEENAH: all that anger

PORRIM: Anger? I’d say I was mo+re aligned with so+mething fierce.

PORRIM: Better than all the names I go+t tatto+o+ed o+n my chest and fuckin pierced.

PORRIM: Angry? Call it o+ut o+f me, call it a damn fade.

PORRIM: Angriest fo+r all the defaced and the decade.

PORRIM: All to+ all.

PORRIM: Angry? Eno+ugh so+ that I’m ready fo+r a fuckin brawl.

KANKRI: #trigger warning

PORRIM: Thank yo+u, Kanny.

PORRIM: Next time you see me, yo+ur legs will be up and runny.

MEULIN: (^ ↀДↀ)✧ DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN

KANKRI: All right P9rrim. I’ll say y9u went all 9ut, and already had said y9ur peace.

PORRIM: Really?

KANKRI: N9w I w9n’t a6jorn, 6ut ladies first, g9t y9u thinking t9 say 9h please.

PORRIM: Oh, please.

KANKRI: See me r9cking 9ut like a h99ded sc9undrel, g9t y9u flippin thr9ugh the wh9le race.

PORRIM: Oh, do+ I?

KANKRI: G9t tickets s9ld 9ut t9 my latest serm9n, seeing as that’s n9w the wh9le case.

PORRIM: Ho+, ho+.

KANKRI: Eat y9ur heart 9ut Gaga, cause y9u g9t me feeling like I’m a cr9ss between tr9ll Judith.

KANKRI: G9t me lifted 9ff my feet like I’m practicing a s9ng f9r Judeus.

KANKRI: Kill the em6lem 9f y9ur s9ul that says Vantas’s sprit can’t die a little spicy.

KANKRI: Kankri is just an9ther w9rd f9r th9se wh9 disp9se of th9se m9re dicey.

KANKRI: N9w if I #tag y9u here, make sure just n9t t9 lazer the wh9le visi9n.

KANKRI: 6ut #warning: epilepsy #6lind j9ke #eye j9ke and 9f c9urse #cancer remissi9n

MEENAH: BOUY

MITUNA: W45 7H47 4 J0K3 480U7 TH3 F4C7 Y0UR 51GN 15 C4NC3R

KANKRI: What’s the j9ke? *looks at the camera* N9w spin it f9r me, lancer.

RUFIOH: *makes spinning noises*

KANKRI: Hell yeah.

PORRIM: Ok, that was pretty go+o+d.

KANKRI: Hell _yeah._

ARADIA: does anybody want to slide right in?

KURLOZ: :o)

MITUNA: 541D 1D L1K3 70 5L1D3 R1GH7 1N N0W

ARANEA: What.

MEENAH: what

RUFIOH: what

MITUNA: 541D 1D L1K3 70 5L1D3 R1GH7 1N N0W


	8. Eridan & Vriska

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT IN NOW, *snaps fingers*

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT IN NOW, *snaps fingers*

TAVROS: sAID I HAD A BUNCH OF A BITCH IN MY DRAWER

TAVROS: tALKING STRAIGHT ABOUT MY EX

TAVROS: sHE HAD FISH LIPS OUT THE GEEZER AND-

TAVROS: sHE WAS ONLY INTO ANYTHING SUPER X--

TAVROS: *bumps into something*

VRISKA: …

TAVROS: ,,,

VRISKA: ……..

TAVROS: ,,,,,,,,

VRISKA: ……………..

TAVROS: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

VRISKA: WH8T ARE YOU D8ING!!!!!!!!

TAVROS: sHIT,

TAVROS: sHIT, I MIGHT HAVE FUCKED UP,

VRISKA: SCREW Y8U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAVROS: ,,,,sAY ,,sO,,,,

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE RIGHT OVER THERE,

TAVROS: sAID I’D LIKE TO SLIDE _WAAY WAAAY_ OVER THERE,,

VRISKA: WH8T 8RE ALL OF YO8 DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARADIA: were having a party

VRISKA: WH8T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARADIA: weve been having rap battles since the early morning 8D

VRISKA: TH8T’S SO 

VRISKA: ST8PID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARADIA: its great! Its fun! you should jump in!

VRISKA: Who cares a8out rapping anyhow?

EQUIUS: D --> Said I’d like to carry eight by par

EQUIUS: D --> It’d most certainly be ironic

EQUIUS: D --> Said I haven’t blinked an eye so far

EQUIUS: D --> But miss here’s derriere may claim to be most iconic 

VRISKA: F8CK YOU!!!!!!!!

EQUIUS: D --> Said, she might as well enjoy the satanism

EQUIUS: D --> The satanic battle scars

EQUIUS: D --> The arrangement may cause an aneurysm

EQUIUS: D --> At least if she wants to keep her ego in tact, i would e%haust jump the bars

VRISKA: WH8T DOES TH8T EVEN M88N!!!!!!!!

EQUIUS: D --> Play with us, Serket

EQUIUS: D --> Play with us, now

VRISKA: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEREZI: SOM3ON3S B31NG 4 SOURCR1TT3R

VRISKA: DON’T YOU START WITH THEM!!!!!!!!

TEREZI: 1 W4NT TO H34R YOU R4P

VRISKA: FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FEFERI: But it’s fun! 38(

VRISKA: NO!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I

VRISKA: WILL 

VRISKA: NOT

VRISKA: RAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ERIDAN: hey guys wwhats all the hullabaloo about

VRISKA: Playing Willy Wonka.

VRISKA: 8alls deep we’re in a conga,

VRISKA: Mess with my persona,

VRISKA: Get your ass handed like a honda!

ERIDAN: oh shit oh geeze im signin right out

ARADIA: play with us!!!!!!!!!!!

ERIDAN: no

TEREZI: COM3 ON!!!!!!

ERIDAN: fuck no

FEFERI: Please~? 38D 

ERIDAN: ...maybe

ERIDAN: wwait

ERIDAN: no

ERIDAN: i said no

SOLLUX: C0me on ED y0u’re cramping the ladies style.

ERIDAN: wwhy dont you step off

ERIDAN: fucker

SOLLUX: Maybe y0u sh0uld step up Y0UR GAME

ERIDAN: i said no sol

SOLLUX: C0me here.

ERIDAN: stop rubbin up on me man

ERIDAN: its creepy and unbefitting of ya

SOLLUX: (Listen, just c0me 0ver here for a sec0nd)

ERIDAN: (eww get awway)

SOLLUX: (Please)

ERIDAN: (eww)

ERIDAN: (stop all this gropin around)

SOLLUX: (Just spit s0me rhymes, it’ll be fun)

ERIDAN: (leavve me alone sol)

SOLLUX: (pLEASE)

ERIDAN: (fuckin get off me)

SOLLUX: (H0ld 0n it will be quick.)

ERIDAN: (sol….)

SOLLUX: (It’ll be alright. It’ll be quick.)

ERIDAN: (sollux i nevver kneww..)

ERIDAN: *ahem*

ERIDAN: ...

ERIDAN: alright i change my mind ill duel

ERIDAN: what do i do

SOLLUX: (Y0u just rhyme a few things. Get in the spring 0f it, y’kn0w?)

ERIDAN: (sollux no you know i cant rhyme)

ERIDAN: (i dont havve my little rhyming booties on)

SOLLUX: (Y0u d0n’t need th0se b00ties right now.)

ERIDAN: (but sol)

SOLLUX: (Ssh, just trust me 0n this.)

ERIDAN: (wwell if you say so…)

ERIDAN: *ahem*

ERIDAN: hey wwhat rhymes wwith wweather

ERIDAN: senator

ERIDAN: wwoop wwoop

ERIDAN: (sol that wwas terrible i cant showw my face to the high nobles after this)

SOLLUX: (Sssh...ssh...ssh. Y0u’re d0ing fine.)

ERIDAN: (you really think i can rhyme?)

SOLLUX: (Y0u were w0nderful.)

ERIDAN: (sol…)

ERIDAN: *ahem*

TAVROS: hEY,,,YOU NEED SOME HELP? 

TAVROS: i CAN RHYME A LOT OF THINGS PROBABLY WITH KELP,

ERIDAN: (no i dont need your help.)

TAVROS: oH, OK, i JUST THOUGHT YOU KIND OF DID SINCE YOU WERE ACTING ALL NERVOUS AND ALL TROUBLED LIKE YOU WERE ON UNEVEN BRAIN FOLLICLES OR SOMETHING,

TAVROS: UH, SORRY, NOT TO MAKE YOU SOUND STUPID OR ANYTHING,

ERIDAN: (no im fine stop talkin like that)

TAVROS: lIKE WHAT,,,

ERIDAN: (like so loudly)

ERIDAN: (youre making this whole ornament awwkwward wwith only me talkin in brackets)

ERIDAN: (come on)

ERIDAN: (come into the brackets)

TAVROS: (uHH,,)

ERIDAN: (there much better)

TAVROS: (wHAT ARE YOU GUYS EVEN DOING OVER HERE,)

ERIDAN: (nothin)

SOLLUX: (N0t a l0t. We’re just getting c0mfy.)

ERIDAN: (no sol dont say that youre puttin me in an awwkwward position)

SOLLUX: (I’m s0rry. Here, h0ld my hand.)

ERIDAN: (no sol)

SOLLUX: (Here, c0me 0n.)

ERIDAN: (sol...)

TAVROS: (sO, SHOULD I JUST LEAVE IT TO YOU GUYS THEN) yEAH MAYBE I SHOULD,

ERIDAN: (dont stick your leg halfwway out the brackets)

ERIDAN: (come on man you knoww to go full or nata in this context)

TAVROS: i DON’T UH, (GET WHAT YOU MEAN)

ERIDAN: (see there youre doin it again)

ERIDAN: (youre doin it just to piss me off)

ERIDAN: (get back in the brackets)

TAVROS: n(O)

ERIDAN: (please tav)

TAVROS: o()N

ERIDAN: (tav stop bein so juvvenile)

TAVROS: nO ()

ERIDAN: (youre a wwaste of fine air you knoww that)

TAVROS: sAY WHAT YOU WANT, THE ANSWERS STILL N () O

SOLLUX: (He didn’t mean it champ, n0 need to take it that hard.)

ERIDAN: (yea but he wwas all indignant about it)

ERIDAN: (he made me feel like a floppin flounder)

FEFERI: (I understand w)(at you’re going through. 38D)

ERIDAN: (you do fef?)

FEFERI: (Mhm. I understand all about feeling glubbing side w)(eeled like that.)

ERIDAN: (yea Its EXACTLY like that like howw do you deal with being stood up in such an astronomical wway its insultin)

ERIDAN: (makes you feel like a complete wwuss)

FEFERI: (Mhm. You just have to try to remember that it’s not aboat you. The other person’s just going through their days, mindless of the stress they put others into.)

ERIDAN: (yea i knoww its just)

ERIDAN: (stressful is all)

ERIDAN: (hey)

ERIDAN: (you knoww that wwas some nice advice)

ERIDAN: (just us chattin like that)

ERIDAN: (hey)

ERIDAN: (wwhy dont we ever talk...you know like you and me)

ERIDAN: (like old times fef)

ERIDAN: (do you remember the old times)

FEFERI: (I remember the old times, Eridan.)

ERIDAN: (like wwhy dont we talk)

ERIDAN: (wwe could be something cool you knoww)

ERIDAN: (wwe could be chill)

ERIDAN: (chill as stone cold ice)

SOLLUX: (ED. ED. It’s y0ur turn c0ming up.)

ERIDAN: (wwhat me)

ERIDAN: (already)

SOLLUX: (Yeah, man. G0. Shine y0ur light 0n all these l0w lives.)

ERIDAN: (yea…)

ERIDAN: yea

ERIDAN: YEA

ERIDAN: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA

ERIDAN: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA 

ERIDAN: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA

SOLLUX: (He’s rhyming yea with yea)

SOLLUX: (Y0u g0 0n y0u brave s0ldier…)

ERIDAN: YEA YEA YEA

ERIDAN: YEA

SOLLUX: (Yea….)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anybody got any requests for a rap off go on ahead and comment them below yo


	9. The Midnight Crew vs The Felt

ERIDAN: YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA

You don’t know what you’re staring at, here. Probably some grizzly looking shoe horn that thinks he’s got a penny worth his stocks. He ain’t worth the spit. Ain’t worth the nata. No, sir-e you think fine lines like that deserve a bit of a sharper edge.

Like a knife.

You want to completely knife this guy, is what you’re on aboat. About.

See. now you just want to knife yourself. You’ve been hanging around with the sticks for quite too long. You don’t even know what to do with yourself anymore.

You are pathetic.

Self-mutilation enters your brain for some rounds, before you’re called off by a noise on the other side of the room.

Who goes there, you fiendish appendage linked monsters. 

Oh.

It’s your mate.

Clubs Deuce, at your apparent servitude.

He came in doing a funny little dance.

Disgusting.

“What you want?” Is all you manage to ask.

“Boy, howdy, I sure like that music coming from your station, big guy!”

“What? What music? You mean that incessant rapping?”

“Yeah. I like it!”

“Tch. What the shit. All these kids are god awful. Someone should teach one of these angling assholes how to spit.”

“Why we should have our own competition! Oh man, it’ll be fun pops. Just think of all the word slinging and fun mashing. Oh man, we should invite the whole crew!”

“Nata. I don’t want to be a part of some charity fair.”

“Sounds to me like the sir won’t rap,” Came in Miss large, flaunting, and hostile.

That being said, is Sn0wman if it wasn’t that perpetually obvious to the lot of ya.

“What do you want?” You snarl, showing off the bits of your teeth.

“I came here to see a man, but I guess a boy was a shorter call.” She says smoothly.

You swear under your belt. You then dunk your hands under the inside of your pockets and brood.

“Say that to my face than Cherry pie, cause Chéri I ain’t taking anymore numbers.”

“Always charming, Spades.” She says in a sultry disarray.

“Eugh.” Is all you spit out.

Deuce is at the bottom, catting it up. Fists in the air, as he chucks them side to side like he’s watching some sort of sporting event. The hapless shrug.

That’s when the rest of your crew busts into the inside of the door.

A meta change is in order, so the universe re-adjusts itself to do just that.

SLICK: well what are you runts waiting on get in here

DROOG: We were scouting the area, no signs of The Felt from above.

SLICK: good

SLICK: hate those son of a bitches

SLICK: they make me wanna start chewin

BOXCARS: YER STARTIN TO SHOW A LITTLE ON THE EDGES SLICK

SLICK: watch your fuckin mouth before i staple it to the ends of your toes

SLICK: and deuce stop doing your funny little dance in the hallway

SLICK: youre making me see cross eyed

DEUCE: SORRY BOSS. I JUST FEEL IN A STELLAR MOOD!

SLICK: yea yea yea now cut it out

SLICK: eugh

SLICK: got that awful ring in my mouth again

DEUCE: WHAT RING, BOSS?

SLICK: nevermind it

You stomp a fist on the computer, as you do your almighty to shut the thing off before any of the rest of the gang can see.

DEUCE: AWW, YOU STOPPED THE PRETTY MUSIC.

SLICK: pretty aint a word id use to describe it

DEUCE: HEY, NOW THAT THE REST OF THE GANG IS HERE. MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT!

SLICK: do what now

DEUCE: RAP OFF! RAP OFF! RA--

SLICK: absolutely not

BOXCARS: WHATS DEUCE GOIN ON ABOUT NOW

SLICK: he wants to do some sort of rapping competition. i dunno why he always gotta have his head screwed on loose

BOXCARS: HAHA AS IF I COULD SEE ANY OF YOU LOAFS COMPETING IN THE SPORTS WITHOUT SIZZLIN YER TONGUES OFF

SLICK: watch it

BOXCARS: I SEE YA WAILING AROUND LIKE THE DOGS

SLICK: youre on your last strike messin around with the top hutch

BOXCARS: HAHAHAHA

SLICK: ergh

SNOWMAN: 𝒮𝑜 𝓌𝒽𝓎 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃?

SLICK: dont i what

SNOWMAN: 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂. 𝒮𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓈𝓈, 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓁𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒶 𝒸𝑜𝓌𝒶𝓇𝒹.

BOXCARS: OH SHIT

DEUCE: SHOW THEM SLICK. SHOW THEM! 

DEUCE: SHOW THEM. SHOW THEM. SHOW THEM. SHO-

SLICK: youre getting on my last damn nerves here you scrooges

DROOG: …

SLICK: what now

DROOG: I heard something from out the door.

DROOG: We shouldn’t have anymore guests.

SNOWMAN: 𝒪𝒽 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓇.

BOXCARS: IT BETTER NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH TIME TRAVEL.

BOXCARS: THE GRIMY MUTTS

You feel a bust in the room. The door gets knocked down, and some of the wall interior gets broken in, kool-aid style.

THE FELT: DID SOMEBODY SAY TIME TRAVEL?

SLICK: oh no

EGGS: GOLD MOUTH, GOLD CLOCK, WE KNOW WHEN TO BEAT EM UP

BISCUIT: GOLD MOUTH, GOLD CLOCK, WE KNOW WHEN TO BEAT A CHUMP

SLICK: oh hell no

EGGS: GOLD MOUTH, GOLD CLOCK, ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY 12 YUP

BISCUIT: GOLD MOUTH, GOLD CLOCK, ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY 13 WH--UP

SLICK: no

EGGS: WE KNOW WHEN TO SUCK UP, WE KNOW WHEN TO UNLOCK THE TRUCK

EGGS: WE KNOW WHEN THE FUCK UPS ARE READY FOR A BIT OF LUCK

SLICK: no

BISCUIT: I ONLY FUCK WITH GOONS THAT KNOW HOW TO STOMACH TUCK

BISCUIT: I ONLY FUCK WITH GOONS THAT KNOW WHEN TO KEEP THE CUT

DEUCE: YES!!!!

STITCH: If yer talking about a cut, I think you should start talkin9 about me

STITCH: I’m a stitch in time, and up to always fixin9 entropy

STITCH: Tailored to the nines, a far better cat to the tea.

STITCH: You can’t have a rap off without the best 9room to be

QUARTERS: Groom t4 be, 1 4m the he4rt of the whole seven se4s

QUARTERS: H4ndsome, 4nd the t4llest out of the rest of these bees’ knees

QUARTERS: Try to punch me out and see an affect of all your l1ghts cut off

QUARTERS: B4sh your head r1ght 1n m4ke 1t 4ll feel mushy and soft

CANS: SINCE WE’RE TALKING BOUT BASHIN HEADS

CANS: YOU BETTER KNOW 1T’5 THE SCOTS TEASE

CANS: SEE YOU CLATTER INTO REDS

CANS: BASH YOU OVER INTO NEXT WEEKS

CANS: GOT NO SIGHT BETTER IN MY BEDS

CANS: MAKE THE LIGHTER OF YA START TO WHEEZE

CANS: CLATTER YOU BOTH LIKE YOUR GRANNY WEDS

CANS: SEE THE BLOOD GUSHING LIKE GUCKY BEADS

MATCHSTICKS: Do ya need anotha muscle man? 

MATCHSTICKS: Ca11 me out from the van

MATCHSTICKS: Got a fire to start 

MATCHSTICKS: Breaking out my brotha here cans

MATCHSTICKS: We don’t play with the matchsticks

MATCHSTICKS: We just play with pots and pans

MATCHSTICKS: From a scale of compa’tence

MATCHSTICKS: You’d probably be labeled comic sans

TRACE: trac3 stands for tr3s, which is the spanish word for thr33

TRACE: got my hand on the st33ring wh33l and my hand on th3 k3y

TRACE: got m3 l3aving without a trac3, s33 my n3w nam3 chun-li

TRACE: said, i’d le3ave without a trace, call my stocks i’m on the leav3

ITCHY: 1TCHY A1N’T THE SCUMBAG FROM YOUR GRANN1E’S OL’ TV

ITCHY: 1TCHY A1N’T THE B1TCH THAT THE COPS FOUGHT ON THE HOUSE OR THE LEASE

ITCHY: 1TCHY A1N’T THE TOP OF RUNT TO BE SCATTERED OUT BY THE TREES

ITCHY: 1TCHY A1N’T THE L1TTLE B1TCH, JUST CALL A DES1ST AND DECEASE

CLOVER: ❷ ④ ❿ 💣 🕕 🕭 📪 ❑ ✡ ⑦ ◻ 🕈

CLOVER: 📪 ⬥ ▫ ⬀ 🕆 ⚐ ◻ ◻ 📪 ◻ ✡ 🕓

CLOVER: ✆ ⑩ ➲ ⑩ ⇳ ✠ 📄 ✆ ◻ ◻ 🕖 📄

CLOVER: ✦ 🖂 & ♈ ❝ ◻ ♓ 🕛 & ♍ ✡ ❾

DIE: YoU TELL EM CLOVER

CLOVER: ◻ 🕓 ⟡ ✌ ✶ ➲ ☼ ○ 🕕 ◻ 🕑 ◻

CLOVER: ✰ ✓ ⑦ ⬃ ◻ ⌖ ◻ ⑩ ◻ ♐ ☠ ◻

CLOVER: ⇦ ◻ ❝ 📂 🕿 🕖 ❑ ❿ ❒ ◻ ♏ ◻

CLOVER: ❝ ♏ 🖮 ◻ ✹ ● ⬥ 🕯 ◻ ⇦ ◻ ◻

DIE: AnD THE WINNER OF THE SCOURGE GOES DIRECTLY TO SIR

DIE: ThE CHAMPION OF THE HURT THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

DIE: Do NOT 6ESET ME, MAKES YOUR WHOLE FACE HAS TO HURL

DIE: GoT A PIN IN YOUR HEAD, MAKE YOUR WHOLE VISION START TO WHIRL

FIN: IF YOU’RE A5KING FOR BLOOD, THAN YOU’RE A5KING FOR FIn

FIN: GOT A WHOLE NOMINATION AND A GRAMMY WIn

FIN: DON’T ME55 WITH THE 5HARK TEETH, AND DON’T ME55 WITH MY KIn

FIN: GOT YOUR EYE5 BLOOD5HOT, MAKE5 YOUR WHOLE BODY 5TART TO DIm

DOZE: …..B….ut 2pe...aking… abou...t….dim…..i……..

FIN: UH-HUH

DOZE: Ma….ke….. Your…..whol….body….

DIE: YEAH

DOZE: 2tart….t...o…..

CLOVER: ◻ 🕛 ✹ ✹ 🖰 ◻

DOZE: …….ru2e…..

SAWBUCK: tell em scoozy

DOZE: ….ran...hur...t…..

CROWBAR: Don’ ge7 7oo uppity now

DOZE: …..mon..ey…...ma….ker….

EGGS: AWW SHIT

SAWBUCK: NOW KNOCK EM OUT.

SAWBUCK: DON'T KNOCK US 0UT. 

SAWBUCK: SAWBUCK 0N MACHINES LIKE 1'M CRANKING 0UT.

SAWBUCK: SEE ME KILLING L1KE A PSYCH0PATH AS 1M RAGING 0UT.

SAWBUCK: 1'M BUSTING 0UT. 

SAWBUCK: STUCK 1N TIME L1KE A L0RDED CL0UT

CROWBAR: Are you all done ye7

SLICK: youre the only one i like

CLOVER: 💦💦🎶

CROWBAR: Yea yea alrigh7 alrigh7 

CROWBAR: If you need a man of mind 7han put your mind at ease

CROWBAR: I 7end to be 7he shluck men go 7o with cheese

CROWBAR: I know 7he higher ups and I know all the fiends 

CROWBAR: 7he rest of the sni7ches are a bunch of weens

SLICK: no

SLICK: crow you were winning awards in my heart 

CROWBAR: Sigh…

SLICK: crow how could you do this

SLICK: droog you see the way he mess with me

DROOG: I see it, boss.

SLICK: sigh… i guess i'll have to make do in this heartless world 

SLICK: betrayal is a heartless ruse

EGGS: NOW STEP UP TO THE PLATE, WE GOT YOUR EGGS AND YOUR BISCUITS.

SLICK: wat

BISCUITS: WORD.

SLICK: no stop all this hoofing around 

SLICK: you guys are a jokeless sort

DEUCE: NOW I'LL EAT YOUR LOT FOR BREAKFAST, LIKE SOME EGGS, AND LIKE SOME BEEF.

SLICK: now what did I just say

DEUCE: AND I’LL HANG YOU ON THE DOORWAY LIKE HOODWINKED CHRISTMAS REEF.

SLICK: droog you see the way they mess with me 

DROOG: Ay.

DEUCE: NOW I AM THE STAR HUSKY IN A MOVIE, NEED A BRIEF?

DEUCE: I’M THE COP THAT’S BEEN DENOTED HERE ON BEQUEATH.

SLICK: stop embarrassing me over here

SLICK: aint nobody watch that shitty ass film

SLICK: disgraceful

DEUCE: COME AND GET SOME OF ALL OF THIS, I’LL CAGE YOU SON

SLICK: no

DEUCE: COME AND SLIDE ON MY CADAVER, I’LL TAKE OUT MY GUN.

SLICK: from the dead

DEUCE: NOW IF YOU WANT TO BE BONED, CALL MY MAIN MAN SLICK.

SLICK: i will strangle you clubs

DEUCE: HE’LL POP YOUR HEAD OFF ONCE, AND RUN YOU DOWN FOR A TICK.

SLICK: i hate all of this

DEUCE: IF YOU WANT TO BE SCARED OUT YOUR BOOTS, HE’LL PUT YOU DOWN FOR A SPELL.

SLICK: why me

DEUCE: ALL I’M GETTING ACROSS IS THAT HE PLAYS THE KILLER REALLY WELL.

SLICK: shoot me

DEUCE: IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A TOUGHER BRUTE, YOU WON’T FIND ONE PAST FOR MILES.

SLICK: in the head i say

DEUCE: UNLESS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT MY MAIN MAN HEARTS BOXCARS, HIS HITS ARE PRETTY WILD.

BOXCARS: AWW

SLICK: i aint getting my disdain across enough for the lot of ya

DEUCE: IF YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN SPIT YOU SHOULD FANCY YOUR EYES ON HIM.

DEUCE: HE CAN MAKE YOU KISS THE PAVEMENT OUTRIGHT HERE ON A WHIM.

BOXCARS: DO I REALLY

SLICK: no

SLICK: please god somebody save us

BOXCARS: EH WELL

SLICK: hearts dont you dare

SLICK: dontcha do what im thinking youre about to do

BOXCARS: *BREATHES IN*

SLICK: dont you do it

BOXCARS: GOT ANY BAGGAGE CLAIM FOR ME? LET ME THISTLE YER EARS

BOXCARS: PUNCH A HOLE IN A CLOCK FOR YA GET A READING FROM MANGY ASS SEERS

SLICK: god damn it

BOXCARS: SEE YOU FLIPPING SIGNS ON THE DOWN LO GET YOU STRAIGHT INTO GEAR

BOXCARS: KICK YOUR ASS ON THE SIDE THOUGH. WHIPLASH YOUR VISION WITH FEAR

DEUCE: YEAH!!!!!

SLICK: im ashamed of all of you

SLICK: droog you see the way they did that

SLICK: all of that

SLICK: to me

DROOG: I see it, boss.

DEUCE: NOW YOU SEE OVER HERE IS MY MAIN MAN HEARTS.

BOXCARS: YEAH

DEUCE: RAM YOUR ASS ON THE HIGHWAY LIKE WE’RE PLAYING GO-KARTS.

BOXCARS: WHAT

DEUCE: GOT A FACE HEAVENLY CHISELED, AND SOME HANDS FOR THE SMARTS.

BOXCARS: WHAT

DEUCE: GOT YOUR ASS LOCATED LIKE WE’RE PLAYING WITH DARTS.

BOXCARS: HELL YEAH

SLICK: no

BOXCARS: DO YOU SEE THE WAY I FIZZLE

DEUCE: FIZZLE OUT THE GAME LIKE IT’S HAWK.

BOXCARS: DO YOU SEE THE WAY THE OTHER RAG BOYS DRIZZLE

DEUCE: LIKE WE’RE DRIBBLING THE ROCK.

BOXCARS: CASE CLOSED I AM OFFICIAL

DEUCE: OFFICIAL LIKE AN OLD GRANNY’S SOCK.

BOXCARS: GOT OTHER MOVES IN MY DIZZLE

DEUCE: DIZZLE ON THE FLOOR LIKE WE’RE PLAYING ON THE DOCK.

SNOWMAN: 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓂𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒶 𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝒿𝓊𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒 ,

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝒸𝑒𝓇𝓃 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑒, 𝐼 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒.

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝐼 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒻𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉 𝓂𝑒, 𝒾𝓃 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓈𝑒?

SNOWMAN: 𝑀𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒾𝓉'𝒹 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝑜𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝑒𝓇, 𝐼 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒.

THE FELT: OH SNAP ➲ 🕒 📂 ⑤ ✗ ❽

SNOWMAN: 𝒟𝑜 𝐼 𝓈𝑒𝑒𝓀 𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓀 𝓂𝑒𝓃, 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓈?

SNOWMAN: 𝒜𝓂 𝐼 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒷𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒?

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝐼 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓇 𝒜𝒹𝒶𝓂, 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐸𝓋𝑒?

DEUCE: WHY, I THINK SHE’S TALKING ABOUT YOU BOSS.

SLICK: shut up deuce

SNOWMAN: 𝐼𝒻 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽, 𝐼’𝒹 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝒾𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝓈𝒶𝓌.

SNOWMAN: 𝐼𝒻 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝑒𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝐼’𝒹 𝒶𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓂𝑒 𝒮𝓁𝒾𝒸𝓀 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝒻𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝐻𝒶.

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝐼 𝓈𝓁𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎, 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝒾𝑔𝑒𝑜𝓃 𝒸𝒶𝓌?

SLICK: no

SNOWMAN: 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃, 𝒮𝓁𝒾𝒸𝓀. 𝒟𝓇𝒶𝓌.

SLICK: …

SLICK: ima loon bin

SLICK: an absolute loon bin

SLICK: dont look at me right between the eyes

DEUCE: COME ON. COME ON. DRAW. DRAW. YOU CAN DO IT!

DEUCE: I BELIEVE IN YOU’S, SLICK!

SLICK: i dont believe in nothin gotta party set to two

SLICK: its between me and my handheld buddy knife crew

SLICK: i only got one best friend and he has a point too

SLICK: i call him mc stabby and his wits are pointed at you

SLICK: thats my due im gone im done

SNOWMAN: 𝒱𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒮𝓁𝒾𝒸𝓀.

DEUCE: KEEP GOING, BOSS.

SLICK: no

DEUCE: PLEASE?

SLICK: i said no

DROOG: You did very well, boss.

SLICK: i appreciate the support but im trying to find a razor to lay it all down

DEUCE: LAY IT ALL DOWN BEFORE THE COPS COME WITH THE LOST AND FOUND?

SLICK: dont you start up with me

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝒽𝓎, 𝒾𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎'𝓇𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹. 𝐼 𝑔𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓌𝑒'𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒.

SNOWMAN: 𝑀𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝒶 𝒹𝓇𝒶𝑔𝑔𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝑜𝓇𝓅𝓈𝑒 𝒷𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈, 𝓌𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝑒.

SLICK: if you mean dragged in corpse id mean dragged by the bones

SLICK: got sharper teeth on me than the crocks with the loans

SLICK: see a set of sharp teeth on me like a shark to the goans

SLICK: i be ripping people on me, see it set all the wrong tones

SNOWMAN: 𝒮𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝒹𝑒𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓊𝓅?

SNOWMAN: 𝐵𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒, 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝑒. 𝒴𝑜𝓊'𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓅𝑜𝑜𝓇 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝑒𝓇𝓊𝓅𝓉.

SNOWMAN: 𝒲𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝑒, 𝐼 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝒹𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓊𝓅𝓉.

SLICK: well if you’re talking bout The Midnight Crew, our whole lines be on the up n’ up.

SLICK: …

SLICK: i cant believe i just did that

DROOG: Do you want me to partake, sir? 

SLICK: well

SLICK: as you can see

SLICK: i already soiled the damn infernary

SLICK: this pot hole stinks here alone

SLICK: im so sorry for what im asking you to do bub

SLICK: you can decline i wont think of you any less

SLICK: perhaps youre just the bigger man for all of us

DROOG: Diamond’s here to report, 

DROOG: Anything missing of sorts. 

DROOG: But all seems clear on that end of the game.

SLICK: damn

DROOG: Clearer much in fact,

DROOG: Weaseled without a sack,

DROOG: Are The Felt now, in that reign.

DEUCE: GO DROOG!!!!!

DROOG: Keep your eyes in pert,

DROOG: Keep things simple and curt,

DROOG: As you might be leaking some in the brain.

BOXCARS: GET EM

DROOG: Keep your whole face dragged,

DROOG: Run you lopsided and ragged,

DROOG: Or I have you searching out for victory in vain.

DEUCE: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

SLICK: wiping the floor with them arent we

DROOG: As one could say.

SLICK: you did good pal

DROOG: Thank you.

THE FELT: PUT YOUR KNEES IN THE WEAK, AND YOUR ASS THROUGH THE DOOR.

THE FELT: IF YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK IN, YOU’S FOUR.

BOXCARS: THEY STILL MESSING WITH US??

BOXCARS: DO YER EVEN HEAR YERSELVES?

DEUCE: OH SHIT, SOMEONE’S GOT TO LAY IT ON THEM THICK!!!

THE FELT: WE HAVE IT ON RECORD, THAT YOUR ASSES ARE DECREPIT

THE FELT: AND THE MOOD AROUND ALL OF US IS THAT IT’S LIT AND IT’S TEPID 

SLICK: *lights a cigarette from stress* 

THE FELT: ALL THE SPITS YOU’VE BEEN REAPING AREN’T PENSIVE, THEY’RE A BORE

SLICK: says that to my face next time

THE FELT: ⬄ ⌑ ◻ ☠ ◻ ◻

THE FELT: ◻ ⓪ ☺ ☒ ❷ ◉

SLICK: yall have some dirty mouths you know that

THE FELT: ✶ ■ ✆ ⟡ ☟ ◻ · ◻ ⟡

THE FELT: 🗐 ◻ ◻ ✠ ✞ ◻ ◻ ☒ ♈ 🕖 ✌ ○

BOXCARS: YALL KISS YER MOTHER WITH THOSE SNOUTS

THE FELT: EAT A GRAND DICK. WE’RE THE RICHARD TO YOUR ENSEMBLE.

THE FELT: WE MAKE THE WHOLE CHARADE OF YOU WANT TO ASSEMBLE.

THE FELT: KEEP YOUR FANCIES READY, CAUSE WE’RE ALL READY TO RHUMBLE.

THE FELT: GET YOU ALL SQUARED UP RIGHT ON THE DOUBLE.

SLICK: alright alright

SLICK: yall are loud

SLICK: come on gang lets round em up

DEUCE: YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

MIDNIGHT CREW: We’re The Midnight Crew,

MIDNIGHT CREW: Boasting it up to you.

MIDNIGHT CREW: We’re settled here right on cue.

MIDNIGHT CREW: Spitting it two by two.

THE FELT: THE FELT IS SOMETHING TO BE SPIED.

THE FELT: TOOK YOU BY SURPRISE LIKE SOMEBODY DIED.

THE FELT: LOUDER THAN CROWBAR OR SLICK MIGHT HAVE SIGHED.

THE FELT: WE COME IN LOUDER THAN SOMEBODY WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN SIRED.

MIDNIGHT CREW: Sired? What century do any of you fools flaunt?

MIDNIGHT CREW: We’re here to scratch the record, and make a fair taunt.

MIDNIGHT CREW: We come out here to punch and to punt.

MIDNIGHT CREW: Coming here eating for breakfast, but we’ve already devoured lunch.

THE FELT: THOUGHT I HEARD A CRUNCH?

THE FELT: DON’T THINK I SEE IT FROM YOU’S BUNCH.

THE FELT: YOU HAVEN’T HAD TIME FOR LUNCH.

THE FELT: IF DINNER IS SERVED COLD WITH THE PUNCH.

MIDNIGHT CREW: Maybe you shouldn’t try to spike it

MIDNIGHT CREW: Cut you right through the pit

MIDNIGHT CREW: I meant the alcohol, but then all of us know it’s same dif

MIDNIGHT CREW: If you’re seated in the rounds, than you haven’t seen shit

MIDNIGHT CREW: Better make the mark for me, before we cut right through the slit

THE FELT: OH SO YOU THINK YOU’RE ON FIRE

MIDNIGHT CREW: I’m rapping with folks that rapped sighed with sire

THE FELT: SO YOU THINK YOU’RE ALL THAT?

MIDNIGHT CREW: All that and more for the hire

THE FELT: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN ME GO APE

MIDNIGHT CREW: Your little one looks like a dumb schoolkid who’d vape

THE FELT: I SEE YOUR BOSS IS HAVING A BIT OF FUN

SLICK: yall make my knife shoehorn feel dumb

SLICK: still stabbed you though

THE FELT: I SEE YOUR FOOT TAPPING SLICK YOU CANT FOOL ME

SLICK: ill cut you if you keep making peeps joli

DEUCE: I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN BOSS.

SLICK: shut up clubs


	10. Read the damn Intermission

In a world distantly far away...But not by much.

MAYOR: *does sign language*

PEREGRINE: Mhm.

MAYOR: *explains more things with his hands*

PEREGRINE: Yes, I feel the same way.

MAYOR: *waves arms around*

PEREGRINE: Aimless, what do you think?

AIMLESS: huh

AIMLESS: sorry i wasn’t paying much attention

PEREGRINE: We were thinking about moving.

AIMLESS: moving? huh? 

AIMLESS: oh

SERENITY: -- .- -.-- -... . / - --- / ... --- -- . .-- .... . .-. . / .-.. . ... ... / ... .--. .- .-. ... . .-.-.-

MAYOR: *gives food to Serenity on finger*

SERENITY: - .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / ... .. .-. .-.-.-

MAYOR: *smiles*

ALL: *hears a loud noise*

PEREGRINE: What was that?!

AIMLESS: *stands up alert, and puts arm over PM in defense*

AIMLESS: careful

AIMLESS: wayward, lets check it out

MAYOR: *nods*

MAYOR: *stands straight and walks around to where the noise came from*

AIMLESS: *cautiously follows*

PEREGRINE: *stands awkwardly still*

PEREGRINE: *pokes head out to see all of the commotion*

SERENITY: .. - / .-.. --- --- -.- ... / -.. .- -. --. . .-. --- ..- ... / -.-- --- ..- / --. ..- -.-- ... .-.-.-

PEREGRINE: See anything?

MAYOR: *peaks head behind a rock*

MAYOR: *scratches head*

PEREGRINE: What is it?

MAYOR: *picks up the oval object*

MAYOR: *it’s counting down to something.*

AIMLESS: the devil is that

MAYOR: *raises it above head*

SERENITY: .. - .----. ... / - .. -.-. -.- .. -. --. / - --- .-- .- .-. -.. ... / --- ..- .-. / -.. . .- - .... .-.-.- / - .... .. ... / .. ... / .-.. ..- -. .- -.-. -.-- .-.-.-

PEREGRINE: I wonder what it’s doing out here.

MAYOR: *it counts down from two minutes to one.*

MAYOR: *ten seconds*

MAYOR: *five seconds*

MAYOR: *three seconds*

MAYOR: *two*

PEREGRINE: Put that thing down, it could be a bomb!

MAYOR: *throws it out of his hands and scurries around*

BOMB: *explodes into a wave of sick beats*

AIMLESS: oh shit

AIMLESS: dont tell me

AIMLESS: you dropped

AIMLESS: TEH BOMB

MAYOR: *yells in expletives*

SERENITY: - .... .. ... / .. ... / .... . .-. . ... -.-- .-.-.-

AIMLESS: oh SHIT

AIMLESS: were going back to reality

AIMLESS: oops there goes gravity

AIMLESS: oops there goes territory

AIMLESS: oops there goes my diary

AIMLESS: mirror mirror on the wall

AIMLESS: who here claims to own the ball

AIMLESS: who here claims to own at brawl

AIMLESS: master of one, master of all

AIMLESS: aimless renegade throwing a bout full of shade

AIMLESS: call off the patrol and call off the parade

AIMLESS: makes everyone's feelings go insane

SERENITY: - .... .. ... / .. ... / -.-. .-. .- --.. -.-- .-.-.-

AIMLESS: buys out the whole market like an oil raid

SERENITY: .-- . .----. .-. . / .- .-.. .-.. / -.. --- --- -- . -.. .-.-.-

PEREGRINE: Well, _two_ can play at that game!

AIMLESS: two can play at what?

PEREGRINE: Two can play at games that are involved with the snuff!

AIMLESS: involved with the what’s-it?

PEREGRINE: Involved with the stuff!

AIMLESS: hooz-it’s, s’whats-it, has-it’s, enough.

PEREGRINE: I’m saying, do you hear the noises?

AIMLESS: the noises of the what?

PEREGRINE: The noises of the has beens, and the has it’s of all the stuff!

AIMLESS: now do i hear the noises?

PEREGRINE: The noises of the _what._

AIMLESS: the noises of the hooz-it’s, and the what’s it’s, now thats enough

PEREGRINE: Hahaha.

PEREGRINE: Now, I’m sending you a picture.

PEREGRINE: Imagine a picture by the tons.

PEREGRINE: A picture by the seconds,

PEREGRINE: The tendons,

PEREGRINE: The drums.

PEREGRINE: Now I’m sending you a photo.

PEREGRINE: A photo by the sums.

PEREGRINE: A photo by the minutes,

PEREGRINES: The widgets,

PEREGRINE: The gizmos,

PEREGRINE: The stumps.

AIMLESS: i don’t think i see it fully

PEREGRINE: Fully, say it, what?

AIMLESS: i don’t see it clearly, the figures and the guts

SERENITY: -.-- --- ..- / .- .-.. .-.. / .- .-. . / .. -. ... .- -. . .-.-.-

MAYOR: *raises his hand*

AIMLESS: what goes it buddy

MAYOR: *enunciates with his hand gestures*

PEREGRINE: You have something to say?

MAYOR: *coughs*

MAYOR: *takes out a mic*

MAYOR: i make the cheeks clap with a leather bodice strap and i end it in a wrap with a sound like kush or whap

PEREGRINE: Ooohh snap

MAYOR: let the bodies hit the floor with the lever on the sore dont make it sound like a chore take the whole school out on a tour

AIMLESS: THERE THE BIG MAN GOES

MAYOR: dont ask me for much you can look but dont you touch follow my flow like im stealing your clutch follow my flow like im stealing your crutch

SERENITY: -.. --- -. .----. - / -... . / - --- --- / ... .. -.-. -.- / .-- .. - .... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -... . .- - ... .-.-.-

MAYOR: if you want to know whos the dope than you first need to know whos the dopest. come clattering inside around like im carrying a pianoist. eyes lurking around see me pietist like im a sophist. let all my beats lay down dry which is enough for me to say suffice 

PEREGRINE: :o

MAYOR: *drops the mic*

AIMLESS: DAAAAAAAAMMMN

PEREGRINE: DAAAAMMNNN

SERENITY: -.. .- .- .- .- -- -- -- -. -. -. -.

ALL: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN

PEREGRINE: Oh, hey the bomb stopped ticking.

SERENITY: .-.. . - .----. ... / ... - .- .-. - / - .... .. ... / -... .. - -.-. .... / .- --. .- .. -. .-.-.-


	11. Serenity

SERENITY: -.-. .- .-.. .-.. / .- -. / .- -- -... ..- .-.. .- -. -.-. . .-.-.-

SERENITY: .-- . .-. . / ... - .- .-. - .. -. --. / ..-. .. .-. . ... / .... . .-. . / - --- / ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. . .-.-.-

SERENITY: -... . .- - / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- ... ... / .... . .-. . / -... -.-- / .- / -.-. .... .- -. -.-. . .-.-.-

SERENITY: .-- .- - -.-. .... / -- -.-- / -... ..- - - / --. .-.. --- .-- --..-- / -. --- .-- / .-- . / -.. .- -. -.-. . .-.-.-

SERENITY: ... - .- .-. - .. -. --. / ..-. .. .-. . ... / .... . .-. . / - --- / .-.. .-.-.- .- .-.-.-

SERENITY: .--. .. ...- --- - / .... . .-. . --..-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- ... ... / .. ... / -.-. .-. .- -.-- .-.-.-

SERENITY: .--. .. ...- --- - / .... . .-. . --..-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- ... ... / .. ... / --. .- -.-- .-.-.-

SERENITY: .--. .. ...- --- - / .... . .-. . --..-- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- ... ... --..-- / .. / ... .- -.-- .-.-.-

SERENITY: .-- . / -- .- -.- . / ..-. .. .-. . ... --..-- / .-- . / -- .- -.- . / -.-. .- -.- . .-.-.-

SERENITY: - . .- -.-. .... .. -. --. / .--- .- -. . / -.-. .-. --- -.-. -.- . .-. / .... --- .-- / - --- / -... .- -.- . .-.-.-

SERENITY: .-- .... --- / . ...- . -. / .. ... / - .... .- - --..-- / .. / ... .- -.-- / .. -. / .-- .- -.- . .-.-.-

SERENITY: -- -.-- / -. .- -- . ... / ... . .-. . -. .. - -.-- --..-- / -.. --- -. .----. - / -.-- --- ..- / ... - .- .-. - / - --- / ..-. .-.. .- -.- . .-.-.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Use this morse code generator to read the text!](https://morsecode.world/international/translator.html)   
>  [Transcript link](https://i.imgur.com/NQmwrqm.png)


End file.
